7 Times You Should Lie to a Woman

Alright, I’m starting with a disclaimer: in any relationship, old or new, honesty is usually the best policy. You know, when in doubt, tell the truth. But there’s always an exception to the rule, right? Right. Sometimes, your honesty just does more harm than good. And sometimes, a little fibbing will save you and your better half a hell of a lot of pain, strife and nagging. What follows are seven questions you should answer, um, diplomatically. Just remember to stick to “little white lies.” Go bigger than that, and you’ll definitely be going home—alone.

1. Do you mind taking care of me when I’m sick in bed?

“Sorry, the stock photo of the girl with the thermometer had the day off.”

Sure, some people like to lock themselves behind closed doors and be alone when they’re under the weather. But others—likely including your girlfriend—want to be pampered. They want the hot soup, cold compress and loving back rub. Admittedly being the caretaker of a wheezing, feverish patient isn’t always fun, but telling your girl that you want nothing to do with her unless she’s in prime form will only cause you grief.

2. Are you uncomfortable when I cry in front of you?

“It’s so sad… when your eyebrows don’t match your hair!”

Scared of feelings? Too bad. Most ladies aren’t, and they like sharing those feelings with others, especially you. Unless your girlfriend is bawling on a daily basis (in which case you may want to consult a professional; I can’t help you there), make it known that when she does go through tough times, you’re there for her. Don’t run in the other direction at the first sight of a tear—that’ll just paint you as an insensitive asshole (excuse my language). You don’t have to be a shrink, or buy three-dozen roses every time she turns on the waterworks; just offer a hug and open ears and she’ll melt on the spot.

3. Do you think I need to wear makeup daily?

This could get messy when she’s bawling her eyes out later.

No girl wants to hear that she’s only pretty with the help of cosmetics. It’s that simple. This question isn’t an opportunity for you to scrutinize your girlfriend’s best and worst facial features (“Well, you have beautiful lips, but could definitely use some concealer on those dark circles…”). It’s an opportunity for you to make her feel naturally beautiful, and more importantly, comfortable and sexy in your presence, no matter what.

4. Did you have a stripper at your bachelor party?

Thank you, HIMYM, for providing this relatively tasteful bachelor party stripper shot.

Whether or not your bachelor party (or your buddy’s bachelor party) takes place in Vegas, it’s best to follow the old ‘what happens there, stays there’ adage. Sure, your fiancée/wife/girlfriend might say she doesn’t care and she’s totally cool with it, but you’re better off erring on the side of omission. If for no other reason than, her libido and sexual confidence will drop through the floor when she pictures you partying with a professionally hot chick. And that hardly does you any good, does it?

5. Do you think my best friend/sister is hot?

Toughest thing about dating Penelope Cruz? Pretending Monica isn’t totally smokin’.

Here’s one situation where the wording is critical. It’s one thing to agree when your girlfriend says her sister or best friend is pretty, or looks pretty tonight. Pret-ty. But hot has completely different connotations—ones that’ll make your gal immediately envision you trying to score with her sibling or pal the moment she leaves the room. So repeat after me: “pretty” not “hot.”

6. Do you like hanging out with my family?

Warning: obligatory Meet the Parents photo.

If your girlfriend is close with her family, plan on being close with them too. That doesn’t mean you have to call her mom to catch up every Tuesday. It does mean you shouldn’t sit in the corner playing Words with Friends during get-togethers, or complain every time you’re invited to a family dinner. And if your girlfriend isn’t close with her kin? Well, you still need to be careful, because it might be one of those ‘Nobody says that about my mama but me’ situations. Bottom line: if you like the girl, her family members are part of the package, so put on a smile and tell her you love ’em, or you just may get dumped.

7. Do you agree I shouldn’t eat that because I’m getting fat?

Warning: gratuitous Kate Upton photo.

No. Just no.

 

 

 

 

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