If you’re like most guys, you are probably pretty into being male. You can read a map, do lots of push-ups and don’t bleed with the full moon. What could be better than that? And yet, as it turns out, being a man is becoming less awesome with every passing day. A growing pile of research indicates men are falling behind women in a number of key areas. One upside? The next time your girl talks about how she has it tough, you’re going to be armed with a number of facts showing that, in fact, she doesn’t. Silver lining, gents. Silver lining.
1. They Survive More Accidents
Bad news, dudes. The testosterone that makes you male also totally screws you when it comes to major trauma. A Johns Hopkins study of over 48,000 patients who experienced major blood loss after an accident found that men were 14 percent less likely to survive than women were. Further studies found that this isn’t just the case for human males. Male mice also had lower survival rates after major trauma than female mice did. The rodent researchers did find one quick, easy way to level the playing field with females: castration. So there’s that.
2. They Invest More Wisely
This might be hard to believe given which gender is more likely to drop a hundy on a haircut, but women are smarter with money than men are. A study of 35,000 households found men trade 45 percent more than women do—and trading reduces their returns by nearly three percent. Women, meanwhile, lose about half as much. Elaine Bedel, president of Bedel Investments of Indianapolis, reasons men dig in their heels more, meaning that they hang on to losing stocks longer than they should. In other words, your loyalty to RadioShack is going to land you in the poor house. It’s science.
3. They’re Getting Better Looking
Yes, Olivia Wilde dated Salman Rushdie. Don’t you read Us Weekly?
Here’s one area where it’s good to fall behind: women are getting hotter while men are staying about the same. The logic is that pretty women are more likely to reproduce, leading to better-looking ladies everywhere. Researchers at the University of Helsinki found that attractive women had 16 percent more children than less attractive ones. The same doesn’t apply to men, because women aren’t as shallow. You know how “sense of humor” tops every poll about what women want? Some future study may show men are getting funnier. No evidence exists showing men are getting better looking. Do you care? Neither do we. Bring on the Kate Upton Universe.