5. Dancing Ability
Now that we look at it, that suit is actually kinda sweet.
Not pulling at the bar? You’re probably relying way too much on your sterling personality. What you need to do is get out there and dance. At least that’s what researchers at Northumbria’s School of Life Sciences found. They believe women look at your dancing skills as a measure of your overall health and strength, as well as fitness for, ahem, mating. The best way to dance? Like the King, Elvis Presley. The study found that you’ve got to really gyrate your neck and trunk to win female attention. Researchers—and we swear we’re not making this up—recommend that you learn to salsa and tango for best results.
6. Homosexuality
“You don’t love me. You just love my moustache. And my studded armband, of course.”
Meredith Chivers, a researcher at Queen’s College in Kingston, Ontario wanted to know what actually turns people on, as opposed to what they claim turns them on. So attached arousal sensors to women’s naughty bits and showed them some movies: straight sex, gay sex, solo sex and chimp sex. While women claimed they weren’t turned on by man-on-man action, the sensors told another tale. Indeed, women—both hetero and lesbian—were significantly more aroused by gay porn than they reported. We’re not really sure what you can do with this information, other than watch out for your girl around your gay friends.
7. Red Clothing
“This ain’t just my catchin’ vest. It’s my lady-catchin’ vest.”
When shopping for something to wear to the club, you probably know to skip the Ed Hardy. But a study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General found that even more than a sense of humor, women are attracted to guys in red. The concept was pretty simple: participants ranked photos of people based on their desire to kiss or date them, as well as overall likeability. When just looking at these sex and romance-related factors, researchers found that guys in red scored higher. (No similar effect was seen in men looking at photos of women.) The finding held true across disparate cultures from Japan to the States, and researchers attribute it to the perception of red as a marker of high status. Our theory? Deep down, all women love the Kool-Aid Man.
8. Width, Not Length
Q: Is it possible to write a caption for this photo without saying”MY SALAMI IS DEES AH-BIG…”? A: No.
It’s time to get over the length of your John Thomas; science says it’s all about width. More research from those intrepid sexologists at the University of Texas found that 90 percent of women say that a, um, girthier package is better than a longer one. The finding calls into question a previous Masters and Johnson study that concluded penis size has no psychological effect on female enjoyment of sex. We’re going to go out on a limb and suggest that the guy behind that study wasn’t exactly hung like Secretariat. Just a hunch.
