9 Hottest Mistresses of All Time

David Letterman recently revealed his affair with “women that worked on [his] show,” and he did so in a relatively classy, smooth way. He just came out with it and admitted that, indeed, he is a red-blooded man and he, indeed, dillydallied with the help from time to time. Nothing to be particularly proud of, but something it’s nice to get in the open. This is especially true if the mistress in question is a dodeca-fox, not unlike those listed below for your edification.

9. Rebecca Loos

Rebecca Loos was the alleged mistress of UK-turned-Yankee footballer-turned-soccer player David Beckham. She worked for the Beckham family as a nanny and personal assistant while in Spain. There, she says Beckham and her had “sex sessions” at least four times. That must be the proper, British way to say they did the horizontal salami samba. Obviously she no longer works for the Beckhams (who remain married), but goes so far as to claim responsibility for their seemingly steadfast relationship.  Did her and Becks get down? It’s unclear, but we’ll tell you, that we’d have trouble turning down a girl that looks like that and that’s been “bisexual since [she] was a teenager.”

8. Noemi Letizia

She’s Italiana, man.  What did you expect? You think the billionaire prime minister of Italy – home to the waist-slimming Mediterranean diet, 3-hour sex siestas, and really, really good wine – is going to pass on an 18-year old model that comes a-calling? We don’t either. Note to self: check Expedia for Italian vacation packages. Anyway, Silvio Berlusconi, age 72, admitted to the press that not only did he have an affair with Noemi Letizia, but that he was actually in attendance at her 18th birthday party. That guys got some Sicilian in him.

7. Ekaterina Ivanova

Oh, Ron Wood. How you spit in the face of decency and death. It’s so rock and roll it makes us want to headbutt a guitar amp Zidane-style and then have a pansexual orgy with 7 supermodel backup singers. Anyway, Ekaterina Ivanova is a Russian model that is no stranger to the club scene in London. She was the unapologetic mistress to Stones guitarist Ron Wood even though he was in a 23-year long marriage to a super model. And, perhaps best of all, you can see her 20-year old topless photos (taken by then-boyfriend) here on the Sun. They’re still up from some time ago, so one assumes, she’s completely okay with us seeing her sweater kittens which is just dandy.

6. Blaze Starr

This one is a little old school. Blaze Starr started out as a Louisiana stripper (the best kind) and ended up being the secret mistress to then-governor of Louisiana, Earl Long. This was in the 30s when things were much more chill on this front. People played the bongos in Tarzan bikinis, everybody was okay with the Prez getting blowies on the side. Good times. Blaze, in fact, started working at the 2 o’clock club on stage when she was just 16. Anyway, Blaze seduced the governor using the cunning tactict of waving her 38DD boobs in his face, and their love story began. He asked her to dinner, and she asked if she could trust him (to be a gentleman). His reply was, “Hell no.”

5. Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe:  the biggest sex symbol of our time, the Pam Anderson of yesteryear, the woman whose voice could make a man shatter his fly like his penis was being fired through a rail gun. Of course, she was the mistress to (among others) arguably the greatest president in the history of our Union, JFK.  Not much else to say there that everybody doesn’t already know other than that Jack told his good friend, Florida Senator George Smathers, that he reprimanded Marilyn’s obessesion with him by telling her “You’re not really First Lady material, anyway, Marilyn.” Cold, Jack. Straight cold.

4. Oksana Pochepa

Oksana Pochepa is a 24-year old Russian pop singer, and the current girlfriend of celebrity/Catholic trainwreck, Mel Gibson. Their extremely unsettling relationship was the cause of Mel’s divorce from his wife of 28 years, this woman. Somewhat, understandable. Trading in for the new model – happens all the time. What doesn’t usually happen is that the 24-year old pop star says to the press that their love is “strong and long-lasting.” Well, a little quick math, and if they last as long as his last marriage, Mel Gibson will be 81 (read: dead). So, pragmatically, she may be correct.

3. Sienna Miller

Sienna has a somewhat spotty relationship history, and that certainly extends to her dalliances with the multi-millionaire/handsome devil, Balthazar Getty. By the way, he’s married with four kids. Oops. Balthazar has since come forward and revealed some details about his cheating, “The breakdown of a marriage is a very difficult and painful experience, especially when children are involved. In light of the fact that many pictures have surfaced in print and on the internet, which has caused myself and my family great embarrassment, I felt it necessary to at least acknowledge publicly that yes indeed by wife and I have separated and I will not be commenting any further.” Of course, there are always these much less dignified photos here of him dissolving family values.

2. Ashley Dupre

The famous call girl of capitol hill, and the woman that single handedly (maybe double, who knows?) brought down Gov. Eliot Spitzer, Ashley Dupre, is actually pretty hot. She’s also an enterprising, business-minded young woman that not only became a world class call girl, but has started a budding (kind of) singing career on the side. Not bad.

1. Eva Braun

Hey there Eva Braun, don’t worry.  We’ll save you. Listen, everybody makes mistakes. We’ve certainly dated our fair share of cheating, big-nosed, psychotic hose beasts with double digit I.Q.s (you know who you are), and Eva Braun is no different. Except that, instead of getting pulled awkwardly into a half-relationship with a friend’s frumpy roommate, she dated one of the most influential men in history who very nearly took over the world. Sure, he had some hangups, but that doesn’t mean that Eva Braun wasn’t that coiffed up kind of cute that makes us want her to flapper dance for us. And, if anything, she appeals to our “I’ll save you from your loser ex-boyfriend” sensibilities which are extremely strong.

 

 

 

 

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