Sometimes, pleasing a woman in bed is quite literally all in your head.
No, really. Men think they know what women care about between the sheets. But while there are loads of things that don’t help your cause—morning breath, erectile dysfunction by way of whiskey, a complete disregard for the clitoris, etc.—sex almost never unfolds as it does on the big screen, or in your porn collection, so bedroom blunders are to be expected.
To help you relax, here are just a few things you’re likely far too concerned about that rarely faze the ladies…
Whether you’re a virgin or Wilt Chamberlain, you’ll have to learn what she likes if you want her to cross the finish line.
1. Size: Stop worrying about it.
According to studies, length and girth should be the least of your worries. Women do care about your general cosmetic appearance and pubic hair situation, however. You expect a lady to be well groomed, right? You owe her a little manscaping in return.
2. Vaginal Attention: There are more important places to focus your efforts.
Most women experience clitoral orgasms, not vaginal ones, and several studies indicate that only one in five women orgasm from thrusting alone; about eight in 10 need direct clitoral stimulation. Vaginal attention devoid of clitoral attention does virtually nothing. Clitoral attention devoid of vaginal attention, on the contrary, can work wonders.
3. Sounds: They’re (usually) preferred.
Don’t be self-conscious over the weird noises the human body makes, voluntarily or involuntarily. It’s a thing; get over it. Silent sex is weirder. Also, women want some sort of affirmation that what they’re doing is working—feedback helps!
4. Your Insecurities: She’s already taken your dadbod to bed.
The more you’re stuck in your own head worrying about your flabby stomach or skinny legs, the less you’ll be thinking about pleasing her or yourself. You’ve gotten this far, meaning she’s past your looks and is probably obsessing about her own figure, if anything.
5. Body Hair: Just own it.
Hair is not an issue for most women—though obviously some have their preferences. The only surprise could be below the belt, which is your prerogative, just don’t expect oral if you’re growing a forest (actually, just don’t ever expect oral). Side note: Stubble hurts and leaves rashes.
6. New Positions: You don’t need to be an acrobat in bed.
Sure, missionary gets boring, but you don’t need to be swinging from the ceiling. Change it up, and absolutely try new things if you’re comfortable, but otherwise leave your circus moves for the circus. Take note of these simple but prime positions for women instead.
7. Pace: You really don’t need to emulate a jackhammer.
You might think faster is better because it may be for you. But as the aforementioned advice explains, for most women, external stimulation is key and this is achieved by angles, not by size or pace. Form first, always.
8. Your Tricks: Not sure where you learn them, but stop.
When men whip out tricks they’ve read about in some equivalent to Cosmo, it usually goes south. Pushing on her lower abdomen during penetration, for example, just makes her have to pee. And that “come hither” thing every man has done at some point—also incredibly uncomfortable, and 99.9 percent of women will agree.
9. Your Level of Experience: Don’t mention it, no one cares or wants to know.
Whether you’re a virgin or Wilt Chamberlain, you’ll have to learn what she likes if you want her to cross the finish line. Besides, unless you have diseases she should know about, chatting about your sex history with other women will definitely not turn her on.