Once three men were out sailing when they capsized on a deserted isle. They were met by a tribe of hostile natives. The encircled the men, and then the leader came up to them and announced, “It is our custom to eat foreigners. However, if you join our tribe, we’ll let you live.” The three men looked at one another and nodded. A big, burly native stepped forward and took off his loincloth. The chief said, “For your initiation you have to undergo the right of mufu.” The capsized men immediately understood what he meant, and cringed. The first man bent over, and the native had his way with him. The second man too bent over and let the native insert his phallus into him. The third man, though, absolutely refused. “No way are you corn-holing me!”, he cried, “I’d rather just let you kill me.” The chief though about it for a moment, and then announced, “OK, death by mufu”.
A man was laying on his death man. He had been sick with an unknown illness for a long time, but his wife had faithfully stood by his side caring for him. He felt his end approaching and reached out to his beloved wife. “Darling”, he said, “you’ve been such a good wife to me over the years and there’s something I need to confess to you before I die. I…I cheated on you with your sister.” The man then began to cry, but his ever faithful wife simply smiled and smoothed back his hair. “I know dear”, she said serenely, “that’s why I poisoned you.”
So an American man is wondering around Mexico and begins to wonder what time it is. The American spots a Mexican man having a siesta and decides to wake the Mexican. The American man asks, “Senor, do you know what time it is?” The Mexican man looks to a donkey beside him, places his hand on the donkey’s balls and lifts them up for a second, then releases the donkey’s balls. The Mexican replies, “It’s about 3:45.” The American is flipping out at this time and asks the Mexican in amazement, “How the hell did you do that, man!?” The Mexican looks at him, slightly irritated and responds, “I place my hand on the donkey’s balls, lift, and look at the clock on the wall.”
a Texan on vacation walks into an Irish pub. He stands at the bar and makes a loud declaration:
“We love drinking in Texas, and I’d say we’re the best in the world at it. However, I keep hearing you Irish boys think you’re the best, so I’ve got a little wager for you.”
The Texan slaps 2 hundred dollar bills down on the bar and yells, “Barkeep! I want you to put out 100 shots of whiskey!”
The bartender complies, and once the shots are lined up, the Texan slaps down 2 more bills and says “I’ll give this to anyone who can drink all of these shots in one go.”
The pub is silent for a moment, then one man runs outside and down the street. The Texan starts laughing and taunting the pub’s patrons about their lack of courage to accept his challenge. Finally the man who had run out returned, walked straight up to the bar without saying a word, drank all 100 shots, and snatched up the money.
The Texan, amazed asked “Why’d you run away if you could do it that easy, boy?!”
To which the Irish man replied “Well, I didn’t want to embarrass myself, so I ran to the pub next door to make sure I could do it first!”