posted
08/17/11
I learned a lot about human sexuality working at an adult arcade across the street from a middle school in Portland, Oregon. To wit, most gay dudes act like Home Depot shoppers on their way to a football game, a surprising number of men want to see their wives blow strangers in public and no matter what it is, there’s porn of it. I learned nothing, however, about why Facebook users might prefer a different position than those less socially networked.
Last week, online sex superstore Adam and Eve released a survey stating that America’s favorite sex position is missionary. With 32 percent of the vote, it beat out rear entry and cowgirl by nearly ten percent. Clearly, my finger is not as on the pulse as I thought. I am, however, an avid Facebook user, which might provide some sort of explanation: a separate section found Facebookers prefer to do it doggy style by an overwhelming majority: 53 percent. Cowgirl came next at 29 percent. Missionary was part of a three-way tie—with reverse cowgirl and “other”—for last.
What accounts for this discrepancy? Are Facebook users updating their status for a virtual high five while hitting it from behind? The answer is actually a lot simpler. The broader survey tracked the population at large, while the Facebook survey targeted only Adam and Eve customers. It’s not too surprising that people shopping for vibrating eggs and Fleshlights might be a little more adventurous in the sack.
Still, it’s hard to not be surprised by the results for the general population. Apparently, not even a generation raised on DVDA gonzo porn and dirty sanchez jokes cares to break from the lazy comfort of screwing like your parents did every Wednesday at 10 p.m.
Did I just make you shudder a little?
The lesson, I guess, is that the classics never go out of style. People like missionary for a lot of reasons. It’s familiar. It doesn’t require a lot of work. You can look into your girl’s eyes and make certain you’re doing it better than the UPS guy. It might not be as dirty as “fifth base” or sticking her in a sex swing or whatever else the kids are into these days, but like a shot of Maker’s with a beer back it sure gets the job done.
Also, we’re a bunch of friggin’ squares.
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