Archives for January 2007

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Rustys Daily Joke

Rusty sends me almost every joke I get so each one I get I'll make sure you know it's from him. He always has the best jokes and plenty of them.Vegas HookerA guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"Hooker replies, " It starts at $500 for a hand-job."Guy …

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Daily Joke

Sorry for the all caps but I didn't feel like a re-typeA RUSSIAN AND A REDNECK WRESTLER WERE SET TO SQUAREOFF FOR THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL.BEFORE THE FINAL MATCH, THE REDNECK WRESTLER'S TRAINER CAME TO HIM AND SAID, "NOW, DON'T FORGET ALL THE RESEARCH WE'VE DONEON THIS RUSSIAN. HE'S NEVER LOST A MATCH BECAUSE OF THIS 'PRETZEL'HOLD HE HAS. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET HIM GET YOU IN THAT HOLD! IF HE D …

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Another Daily Joke

From Mr. Joke aka RustyPUB HUMOURA guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:CHEESEBURGER: $1.50CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50#######: $10.00Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, hewalks up tothe bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive womenserving drinks to a meager looking group of men."Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can Ihelp you …

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Answers

ANSWERS1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?BOTTOM2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)503. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?RIGHT4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?BLUE, RED, WHITE, YELLOW, BLACK & GOLD5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?1, 06. When you …

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My First Ultra Marathon

Well I finished my first ultra marathon this weekend. I think it went especially well considering I didn't train for it nor did I taper the week before. The time was horrible but it was 28.38 miles over snowy, icy, and at times, hilly, windy terrain. I finished in 5 hrs 13 minutes but stopped, chatted and ate every 4 miles or so. I think I could shave and hour off the time if I was serious ab …

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Signs You Might Have Been Busted Cheating

The Garage Sale Posters on every corner are now covered with this Your briefcase has been filled with the "horses head of the 2000's" dirty diapers. The local McDonalds billboard has been replaced by a personal memo You get this letter Your car gets "pimped" fatal attraction style You parachute feel just a bit heavier than last jump. From this week's news. …

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Joke of the Day

A lady who was pregnant with triplets was working at the bank when a robber came in and held the place up. As instructions were give out, she pressed the silent alarm. The thief, witnessing the woman pressing the button, proceeded to shoot her in the stomach 3 times before leaving. The woman was fortunate and here and the three children all came through the ordeal in good health and she ended u …

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Top 5 Signs Your Political Campaign is In Trouble

Taken from Topfive.comThe Top 5 Signs Your Political Campaign Is in Big Trouble A "60 Minutes" film crew is at your door with your wife, two mistresses, a call girl from Vegas, Jeff Gannon and Enrique, the pool boy. FedEx just handed you an envelope from Karl Rove marked, "Do not bend. Contains photographic material."

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Joke of the Day

(via Rusty)A man was at the country club...For his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man told the doctor to …

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My Momma Would be Ashamed

I had a little episode that was a bit embarrassing the other day. Optionsxpress, who is my favorite broker and the one I personally use, bought a "hive" at blogads. I have been put in the hive of stock market bloggers. I really don't fit in that category but as random as I am, I really don't fit in any category. Back to the storyOptionsxpress buys this hive which puts an ad in every blog that i …

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Funny Joke

Man decides to got for a haircut,As he sits down in the chair the barber ask what style of cut would you like sir.The man says well id like a 6 inch scar on the top of my head,short on the sides all wavy and knotted up, Around the back id like a perm with many curls and a little blue rinse.As for the front can you make it look like triangles.SIR i cannot possibly cut your hair in this way.The man …

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Joke of the Day

From my best and favorite submitter Rusty Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts. …

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Dont Think Web Names Are Valuable?

Look Who Owns the Following Generic Domain Names. The Big Boys? Not NecessarilyYou could probably buy all these from people that aren't utilizing them (of course they'll cost you a mil or so)Investing.com Wallstreet.com Banking.com Broker.com Daytrade.comCEO.comChart.com

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Joke Heard While Running

Thank to Joe Murphy, my running partner for this one. A man, tired of the hustle and bustle of the city life, decides to pack up and move to the country. The man choses a house in the middle of the country that doesn't have a house for 2 miles in any direction. He lives in peace and quiet for months on end when a man knocks on the front door. Standing at the front door is a biker dressed in …

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Face Transplant

The guys over at Freakingnews had a contest to have users submit a picture combining two faces of famous people using photoshop. From left to right Orlando Bloom with Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Will Smith and Bill Clinton. Here are more of the top photos.

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Jokes of the Day

Thanks Rusty for the JokesA man and his wife were driving home one cold night when the wifeasks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at theside of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. Itwas, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Canwe take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?" Hesays, "OK, get in the car with it."" …

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Busy Weekend Leave You With Some Jokes

This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.The bear says, "What do I owe you?"The bartender stops and thinks for a moment."Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn't been in many bars."So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."The bear forks over the money and starts …

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Jokes of the Day

Rent for the Apartment A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT".On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not wor …

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I’m So Worried about the Polar Bears

I too am worried about the polar bears. You can write all the comedy you want but you'll never be able to beat the comments on the streets of New York. After you watch the show, make sure to join the comments at Wallstrip .

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The Difference Between a Mans Shower and a Womans

I can't believe this made it to the top of Digg because it is so old. Digg is really going downhill. First my stuff and then this. I didn't steal this because it has been on the net longer than the Shanghai Backstreet Boys.How To Shower Like a WomanTake off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see hu …