Archives for September 2009

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Best Damn Webcomics

We stopped subscribing to the daily paper a few years ago, and without that, the days of Sunday morning comic strips have shriveled away. Although, after Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes were discontinued, it wasn’t really something to lament.  ANYway, the internet machine stepped in to fill the niche as it so often does with the webcomic.  They started out rusty (like the internet when it was still …

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Hipster Or Your Mom?

Hopefully the answer to, “Is that a hipster or your mom,” is not hipster because, as it’s been documented, we just really hate hipsters around these parts. To help you delve deeper into that question, though, is the new site My Parents Were Awesome. Because, you know, now your parents are total squares. But that’s your fault for harshing their mellow with your diapers and school recitals, etc. …

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Big Kids’ Halloween

Let’s be honest - Halloween’s fun, but, secretly, we feel it’ll never be as fun as it was when we were allowed to Trick or Treat. Sometime around thirteen (give or take a year depending on personalized puberty), we were shunned from these houses of shimmering lights, our opportunity for free candy vanished and we were forced to stand on far the sidewalk, watched skeptically by pa …

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Live Action Duck Hunt

You thought shooting those ducks on your TV screen were hard? They were confined to flying around in a 47” screen. If you want a real challenge, then you need to get yourself Live Action Duck Hunt.Just pick up your gun, charge the duck on it for ten seconds, then send it off. The duck actually flies in erratic motions making it tricky to hit, just like in the game. Except this time there&rsq …

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Is Your Girlfriend Sugar Mama-terial?

By: Jenny FoughnerI have a hunch. Correct me if I’m wrong (well, don’t, actually… keep it to yourself, but feel free to gloat quietly at having bested me just this once), but I’m thinking that this whole “squaw makes sandwiches while waiting for Big Man to bring home mad scrilla” is a phase out of which humankind (or at the very least, American males between th …

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Halloweens Most Hauntacular Monsters

Halloween is approaching and the kiddies are already telling their ghost stories – or at least Macy’s is already displaying Halloween-themed items. And who doesn’t love a good scare? We’ve all laughed at the Mummy yarns and gave a wink, wink – nod, nod while telling about the man with the golden arm, but what about the real deal? Yeah, the real life/or most-likely-made-up/definitely fake, stories …

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Goodbye, Sunlight

 If you’re up on the gaming world, you’ve been counting down to this day for months. Halo 3: ODST, the fourth Halo game by Bungie, is out today for Xbox 360.So call in sick, and notify your girlfriend you‘ll be physically, mentally, and emotionally unavailable for the next few days. Stack up some sustenance within arm’s reach of that comfy chair. It’s game time.T …

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What Not to Say to a Cop

If you’ve ever wondered, like friend of the site James did one dark night, “what are some things I should not say to the cop that just pulled me over,” now there’s a study guide just for you.Things Not To Ask A Cop is the definitive guide on things that will surely get you in trouble (or more if you’re already in it, like James was when he used the quote from the head …

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Wettest Video Game of 2009

Rubi Malone is a 70s era, porn-style cowgirl that knows how to sling iron and fight with a blade. Holy hell. Right out of the barrel, you’ve got to be thinking you’re down for any game with that as its main heroine, and right out of the barrel, you’re correct. Rubi is a gun for hire (called in-game a fixer) that will lend you her metal and mettle in whatsoever anybody is hiring for. She lives i …

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The 10 Commandments of Online Gaming

Online gaming has become the most popular thing to do with a computer after watching porn and stealing your neighbor's identity. The games come in all varieties -- from sports-related to nerdy word games to gambling to mindless stuff with shapes and bright colors. However, you may not know that there are some rules, nay, commandments that you must obey when stepping into the online gaming water. D …

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Best City for You: LA or NY?

The two most popular tips of our nation are pretty much rivaling bedfellows who happen to sleep together. However much it may seem that they simply can’t get along in public, they’re actually texting dirty come-ons to each other under the table. They’re said to be two entirely different worlds. Why? The seasons? The civilians? The asshole taxi drivers versus D-bag boardwalk musicians? Witness the …

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Patrick Swayze Dead At 57

Actor Patrick Swayze has succumbed to a two-year battle with pancreatic cancer in his home this afternoon.  This shortly followed his decision to refuse hospital treatment, opting instead to be amongst family and friends for his final hours.  He was currently working on a memoir, and had recently halted production on his A&E drama, "The Beast." Swayze was best known for his …

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What Kanye Should Have Done

Oops. Kanye, you maybe had some questionable decisions last night. That’s tough. Everybody makes mistakes, though.  And, we’d like to take this opportunity to help you learn from yours. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on your backwards, racist, egomaniacal horse.  If you’re not Kanye, and you’re not sure what we’re talki …

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The 7 Most Exotic Taxidermies

Yeah, we know. But that’s not the kind of exotic trophies we’re talking about. We’re talking about men conquering the wild in the way the good lord intended. Men and beasts have been battling since the beginning of time. Fortunately, today’s big game are far more obtainable than the dragons and dinosaurs of yore. Every battle has a story; they’re just so much better when they’re nailed to your wal …

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Become a Brocialite For Fun and Profit

If you’ve studied at the Brody Jenner School of Being Ubiquitous for No Apparent Reason, then you probably have a basic understanding of what it takes to be a “brocialite” (that is, a male socialite, or one who parties with A-listers for a living). Perhaps you excelled in ‘Landing a Reality TV Show 101’ or made high marks in your ‘Getting Photographed by Inexplicably Important Blogs’ seminar. But …

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AnatoWii 101

Designer and apparent physiologist, Angela Moramarco, has stripped down the Nintendo Wii to its bare bones. And, also, she’s stripped it down to its musculature, viscera, cardiovascular, and nervous systems. We can’t really stop playing Smash Brothers Brawl long enough to take a look inside our personal Wii, so we can’t actually verify this is what’s inside. But it makes sense on paper. …

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NASCAR Jesus Needs A Pit Crews Fix

By All Left Turns Editor Joe DonatelliI love NASCAR Jesus. What's not to love? The sunglasses a la Richard Petty. The scraggly Jimmie Johnson beard. The Kyle Petty ponytail. The weary Dale Earnhardt Jr. eyes. And best of all, that chest. The King of the Jews endorsing the King of Beers. It's beautiful. It's almost perfect. All that is missing is the Bristol Motor Speedway-shaped halo with the No. …

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What Women Watch

There’s this myth about men - they senselessly roll out of bed, blindly extract clothing from a dusty closet and manage somehow to look stellar while stumbling down the street (Ed. note: not a myth). Women grumble enviously over this, failing to acknowledge that many of these men take great pains to aesthetically pleasure females. Women don’t see them ignorantly fumble, clueless as to how to keep …

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IMAX Your TV

Next time your friend starts bragging about his brand new flat screen, shrug and tell him you’re more of an “omni-directional guy.” When he doesn’t know what the hell you’re talking about, show him your T.O.O.B Omni-directional Dome screen. Then, watch his head explode.The dome by T.O.O.B is the new wave in home entertainment, bringing IMAX to your living room. Now yo …

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Dude-Approved Broadway Shows

Odds are, musicals aren’t really your thing. Maybe you’ve heard of Andrew Lloyd Weber because you dated Malicia the Kinky Theatre Girl in ninth grade, but short of absentmindedly clapping after your sister’s choir solo, you probably aren’t in the business of enjoying showtunes on a regular basis. While you weren’t watching, however, the gods of Broadway deigned to create some awesomely non-traditi …

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Doug Benson Interview

If you love weed, and you love laughing, you probably love Doug Benson. The stoner “humoredian” is the star of the cult pot-u-mentary Super High Me. He’s also a regular guest on VH1’s Best Week Ever, and came in 6th on Last Comic Standing. Doug’s cannabis humor has become a kind of activism, taking him on the road this fall for the “Medical Marijua …

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Retro Gaming In Your Pants

Somewhere deep in a closet in the house you grew up in there is an old dusty box. And in that old dusty box are a bunch of grey cartridges that once consumed your every waking thought.These are the original Nintendo Entertainment System’s 8-bit video games from your childhood that you could never bring yourself to throw away. Why? Because you knew that one day you might just need them again. …

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9 Best Cities For Bachelors

Sometimes you’re single and you want to go out. But a lot of times when you’re single and you go out, you wish like hell you had a girlfriend you could just stay home with. This is because most destinations for bachelors don’t cater to the joys of relationship freedom. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of cities where having an attachment of the opposite sex would only hinder the possibilities.  …

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Get Over The Hangover

There are some days when it’s not okay to lay on the couch all day, nursing a hangover. For instance, if you’re supposed to be married that day. Or, better, if your buddies are relying on your killer jumpshot. Or another party.So it would be nice if the people in charge of science had some sort of emergency summit and discussed the thing that’s been plaguing man longer than&helli …

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Fake Your Own Death

If there is one thing we gents are good at, it’s doing something half-assed. However, there are three areas in life that require us to be spot-on: hooking up a DVD player, knowing what time the game comes on, and faking our own death. Let’s focus on the latter for now. Perhaps you need to avoid getting your girlfriend something for her birthday, maybe you need to get out of unpaid parking ticke …