In order to sleep with an actress, you’ll have to think like an actor. Impossible as this may sound, you’re in luck. Of all stereotypes, the traditional cliches concerning actresses are very often (at least partially) true, and therefore uncover a yellow brick road that leads straight to the bedroom. All you have to do is place your feet against the pre-paved path and allow some brazen, egocentric woman to temporarily pull your puppet strings. By the time she’s in bliss thinking she’s booby trapped a new boy, you’ll have conquered, escaped and slept, that’s right, with a potential (almost there, on-the-rise, not-quite-yet) movie star.
Knowing Where To Hunt For Fresh Kill
As with any endeavor, a predator needs to place himself in optimal territory (i.e. find some actresses). The best place to begin is an acting class. High tail it to any nearby major city, and enroll in a short ‘scene study’ workshop. These classes can be found on any computer capable of Googling and are only mildly costly (a few hundred for 6 weeks). By enrolling in a scene study class, you’re creating an opportune environment for seeking out these mysterious creatures, as all young, aspiring actresses can be found studying at some studio or another while simultaneously attempting to audition and get actual work.
In classes, you’ll be paired up with another student and given a scene, many of which are sexual, male-female scenes (commonly found in films such as "Closer" and "Contact"). Of course, you may be one of the unfortunates who finds himself paired with a male, but, even still, you are surrounded by half-exposed women eager to meet fellow performers. Be conversational and friendly, but don’t forget also to brood. Brooding is crazy-effective. Think James Dean and Marlon Brando – all young actresses are eternally infatuated with the idea of a sensual, masculinely sensitive and lonely hero awaiting a heroine. (For The Record: ‘masculinely sensitive’ means ‘deep,’ not deliriously in tears).
Learning To Act
If you’re interested in penetrating the pile-up of attractive, young women learning to act, you’ll too have to play the part. This means buffing up your film knowledge with classics. "A Streetcar Named Desire," "Sophie’s Choice," "Midnight Cowboy," "East of Eden" – these are some titles to seek out in your local video store, as they are constantly referred to in class as casually as the scores of past Super Bowls in bars. Moreover, they’ll give you material for striking up conversation. Once you’ve chosen an actress in your class, start with something easy – for example: “Hey, I re-watched ‘Rebel Without A Cause,’ the other day and you really remind me of Natalie Wood. Have you seen it?” In a simple second, you’ve complimented her by comparing her to one of the most sensuous, young film stars in history and opened the door to further conversation by meeting her on her turf. Young actresses can talk about films forever; and are especially impressed by the men who share such enthusiasm.
Seizing The Moment
Scene study workshops are places of great intensity. Acting teachers are most often absolutely merciless with their students and will therefore undoubtedly destroy everyone at least once. On the day your chosen woman presents her scene in class, be prepared to seize your moment. Most likely, if it is the scene’s first showing and the actress is young, all will not go well. The acting teacher will probably berate the young girl and send her back to her seat. When this happens (wait until she has stopped sobbing), make your way over and gently whisper: “You’re going to think I’m just saying this, but I seriously think you’re super talented. Don’t stress too much – even Meryl Streep had to start somewhere.” Smile and mysteriously move back to your seat. She’ll be totally needy, intrigued and very likely to initiate the next visit.
How To Transition From ‘Fellow Student’
The best thing about beginning your hunt in an acting class is the abundance of choice now available to you. Even if all the women in your workshop do not suit your search, you’ll be surprised to find these females willing to share their friends. Young actors are entirely consumed by acting, which means that, when meeting new actors, they eagerly draw them into their daily lives. Once you’ve had a few conversations with your ‘Natalie Wood,’ cutely tell the girl you’ve just gotten into this and would love to meet some more people. In truth, it doesn’t matter whether or not you are a talented actor. If you’ve managed to make yourself interesting, attractive and play up your most charming parts, you’ll be adopted by actresses immediately.
How to Behave At A Party Full of Actresses
For all the work, auditioning, memorization and struggling actors do during their ‘work’ hours – they sure know how to party. A group of actors getting together is a jackpot of prospective bedfellows. Clans of hot women, desperate to relax and let loose, are thrown together with a strong desire to drink and discuss scandal (all actors are obsessed with cultural taboos, and alcohol truly allows this to shine). There couldn’t be an easier place for a guy to fit in. Grab a drink, recall those films, your favorite actors and any climactic moments from acting class and you’re golden. Great conversation starters (so long as they’re said with impressive ‘sincerity‘) for actresses at parties are:
“Hey, are you in class around here? I haven’t ever seen you at the studio.”
“Do you ever do television? You look extremely familiar and I think its from something I saw the other day.”
“Not to be presumptuous, but I just couldn’t pass up this opportunity to tell you that I’m looking to do a scene from ‘(insert bullshit title here)’ and you’re physically perfect. If you’re ever interested in checking it out, let me know.”
The Final Step
The final step is for sure the easiest. Once you’ve found an actress, established a chemistry and chosen a scene to use as a guise, ask her ‘for coffee or a bite to eat or something,’ to discuss the work. First rehearsals usually take places at actor’s apartments, meaning your actress will be somewhere near a bed when she’s beside you. Pour a couple glasses of wine and ‘talk about your new interest in the craft’ for a bit. She’ll be endeared by your excitement, the closeness of a new partner and the warmth of liquor. The remaining steps require no genius. Young, aspiring actresses are not average women on the inside – they are much lonelier, much more emotional, much more sexual and, therefore, all the more available (not to mention – adventurous).
Here’s a look at what you’re in for.