Well, that’s great! Two things… number one — what the f—? Are you 12 years old and/or your first name is Pee Wee? And number two — do you have a special talent? Because if you want to run away and join the circus and you don’t happen to be a moderately-bearded woman, you’re going to need a special skill. Don’t have one? Eh, don’t sweat it Pee Wee… We got you covered. Here are some easily mastered skills that will help you get that not-so-much coveted spot as a performer in the circus.
Anyone can juggle with one ball. That’s not even juggling; it’s a game of solo catch. And most people can juggle with two balls; once you discover you throw one ball overhand and the other one underhand, your two-ball juggling days have begun.
But then there’s a huge drop off — the majority of people give up honing their juggling skills after the mastery of two balls. So if you want to impress an audience of peanut-eating hicks, all you’ll need is a solid ability to juggle three balls.
This skill is far less hard than people think but it requires a lot of practice. Put two balls in your right hand and the third ball in your left. Throw the ball in the front that’s in your left hand in arc so that it falls into your left hand.
When that ball is at the highest point of its arc, throw the ball resting in your left hand into an arc heading towards your right hand. Then, as you may have guessed, when that ball is in the middle of its arc, throw the other ball that was your right hand into your left hand.
Here comes the hard part — catch the other two balls in your right hand. Phew! That’s a lot of balls. Heh. Heh.
The key to the whole bit is to keep juggling as long as humanly possible. And that’s going to be hard-ish. But keep at it and you could be a lowly juggling clown riding in the back the circus’ heavily occupied horse trailer in no time.
Walk a tightrope
This skill is, again, not as hard as you’d think. But it requires that you have good balance, balls of steel and a parachute. Just kidding… about the parachute part! There’s no way in hell the circus’ ringleader woud let you wear a chute. Psshaw, dear boy.
If you decide to Walk the Line (dated joke alert) and go tightroping (invented verb alert), here are some ground rules that’ll keep you from…SPLAT! becoming person chowder for the people watching below.
-Dont wait for the rope to stop wobbling before you keep walking… That’s a dead rookie mistake
-Keep your weight on your back leg when standing in place
-Use your arms (and maybe an object) to obtain balance
-Never look down (duh)
-Practice on a balance beam and a rope that’s only a foot or so off the ground
Learn to ride a unicycle
Unicycles, like going 10 straight days without a shower, are normally reserved for the French and circus folk. But why? They’re not that hard to master. And they’ll get you laid too! Okay, that’s not true. But they’re easy. Check it…
When you hop on a unicycle for the first time, do something counterintuitive… pedal backwards. It will propel your body upright. Now you’ll probably fall over. Don’t worry, this will take some practice.
Pedaling back and forth while keeping yourself fully upright will allow you to stay in place. Pretty cool, right? You’re already better at unicycling than 99% of the public. But you’re gonna need to be able to move around if you’re gunning for that #1 one spot… in the circus.
Once you’ve got the hang of staying upright on the unicycle, pedal forwards. You fell over again! Brush off your knees and hop back on. Okay, you’re moving around! Now let’s master steering. Lean to the direction you want to go… holy cow, you’re going in that direction! Unicycling is easy! You’re the king of the world! LOOK MA! I’M… oh you fell over.
Practice a bit and you’ll be riding that unicycle through elephant dumps in no time.
Those are the three most basic skills you’ll need to join the circus. After those, you’ll want to jump into something slightly harder, like lion taming or sword swallowing! Or… uh, maybe invest in a clown car. That might be a better idea. And good luck, Pee Wee!