Along with knowing how to dance and how to dress, another tool in the art of sealing the deal is knowing how to give a fantastic backrub. Not only does it establish intimacy in a “safe” way, but even the tensest woman loves a man who can help her relax. If you can be that guy, the ladies will be banging down your door. And that probably won’t be the only banging going on. Here’s your simple three-part plan.

1. Set the Mood

Make sure your candles are safely positioned. Nobody wants a You, Me and Dupree situation.

Unless you’re Fabio, it’s not the best idea to break out your Luther Vandross records, candles and incense. Give her a comfortable place to rest her head, but also provide her with some good smells and sounds for the duration. This can be a little difficult to pull off when you’ve just got some chick over your place chilling and you want to take it to the next level. That’s why I always keep nice smells and sounds around my place—it’s best to be prepared for a situation like this. You can seamlessly transition from “hanging out and watching a movie” to giving her a backrub that’s quite possibly going to separate her from her clothes. Feel free to suggest that. Not only is she going to have a better experience the more clothes she takes off, you’re going to get an A for effort even if she shoots you down, because as I’m sure you know if you’ve been reading my columns, chicks dig a guy with confidence.

2. Master the Basics

Put some pressure on that woman. Few things are lamer than a weak massage.

Before I get into specific techniques, you should know some really fundamental stuff about backrubs:

>> Pressure is key. The right amount of pressure is crucial, separating a relaxing massage from a brutal deep-tissue session. It varies from woman to woman, but when in doubt, go harder and work toward softer.

>> Start at the top and work your way down. Then work your way back up from the bottom. Similarly, start toward the spine, then work back outward from there.

>> Once you’ve done the full top-to-bottom go through, give her a knuckle walk from the bottom to the top and back again. You know what I mean—knead your knuckles up and down her back.

>> Talk to her while you do it. Not only will you get feedback on what she likes, what she doesn’t like and what she wishes you were doing that you aren’t, it shows her how sensitive, responsive and awesome you will be in even more intimate situations… which is pretty much why you’re doing this in the first place, right?

3. Nail the Specifics

If she’s making this face, you’re doing it right.

You use different parts of your hands when massaging different parts of the body. Knowing what part of the hand to use is one of the most important parts of giving a woman a backrub she won’t soon forget.

>> Thumbs and fingers on an open hand are the way to go near the shoulders and at the base of the neck.

>> When heading down the ribcage, turn your hands sideways so that you can give that area of the back the same finger and thumb action that you gave the shoulders.

>> Use the heels of the hands toward the base of the spine.

>> The base of the skull should be massaged with the points of your fingers and thumbs. Don’t be afraid to get in there, deep. At this point, whether that is only a precursor of what’s to come is up to you, friend.

Jordan Harbinger
is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, visit You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.