Dr. Richard Jacob and Rev. Owen Thomas are here to help. They know of your plight – they’ve met many men who also suffer from Oversized Male Genitalia, more commonly referred to as OMG. It’s not easy, man. The locker room. The wedding bed. Road bike rides. It’s like there is no safe haven for the freakishly well endowed among us. Le sigh.

Not sure if you’re afflicted? Simply open the front cover and use the handy, printed-on ruler to perform a brief, painless, self diagnoses in the comfort of your own home.

After you’ve been diagnosed, you’re going to feel a lot of different emotions, and that’s where this collection of “advice, meditations, and wisdom for men who have too much,” is going to come in handy (so to speak).

Noteworthy chapters include:
– Unzipping: Coming Out to Friends and Family
– Care and Maintenance of Your Huge Penis
– Sharing the Pain: Sexual Intercourse with a Huge Penis

In the perfect satirical climax to this brilliant self-help one-off, “How to Live With a Huge Penis” ends with a daily affirmation journal for the afflicted reader. Therein, victims of OMG are invited to record their positive penis thought of the day. For your edification, we’ve reproduced three particularly helpful affirmations here. Good luck.

The next time I feel like harming their penis, I won’t because:

Some other huge things that God made are:

Here is a drawing of my penis making somebody happy: 

Girl Wants To See His Big Thing – Watch more Elevator Show