“Businesses lose up to $4 billion annually to employee absenteeism caused by childcare problems,” says the Welfare-to-Work Partnership.

“That is totally awesome and where can we get some of that cash,” says the Made Man editorial staff.

The Office Kid offers a response to both of the above quoatations in the form of the Office Kid Kit. Basically, it’s all the trappings of having a child without any of the muss of parent teacher conferences or finding out that your kid is quitting the lacrosse team to go to Topeka to stand in line for American Idol.

It comes with crayon-drawn, refrigerator-quality artwork, a portrait, and an a la carte menu of additional materials including a doctor’s note on “official” stationary. Simply brilliant. Order yours here for $20, and start your permanent pseudo-vacay. [Buy it]