Can You Ride a Scooter and Still Be a Man?

posted
08/5/11

Joe Donatelli

There are motorcycle guys. The motorcycle guys will always ride motorcycles. They can stop reading this right now. This article is not for them.

Then there are the rest of us. We are not motorcycle guys. We are cool guys, no doubt. Some of us have even managed to attract hot wives and reproduce. But for whatever reason, we never got into motorcycles. So we drive cars. We’re car guys. This article is for the car guys.

Almost every car guy has had this thought, whether he admits it or not. He is stopped in traffic on his way to work, trapped like Peter at the beginning of Office Space. Old ladies with walkers are passing him left and right. There is nothing on the radio except bad news. Nothing to do but stare at the bumper ahead.

Out of nowhere a scooter blows by like it’s the Roadrunner and you’re, well, not even Wile E. Coyote, because he moves. You’re like a discarded Acme rocket box by the side of the road.

And at that moment, the question crosses your mind.

Should I buy a scooter?

Then the pro-con list happens.

Pro: I could pass all of this traffic on a scooter
Con: Yeah, but I would be on a scooter
Pro: Don’t those things get like 70 miles per gallon?
Con: Can those things even go on the freeway?
Pro: I’d be out in the sun with the wind on my body
Con: What will hot women in Jeeps think?
Pro: I bet it would be fun to ride
Con: If I get hit by another vehicle I’m toast
Pro: A lot of oversexed European men ride scooters
Con: A lot of oversexed European men ride scooters

Traffic moves and you get to work and you forget about it.

Not me. I’ve had these thoughts too many times to discount them. I live in Los Angeles, which means I sit in traffic. A lot. And I think about scooters. A lot. I think about bypassing traffic and saving gas and living the dream of enjoying my commute to work.

Unlike your average car guy, I am a men’s lifestyle website editor, which means I have access to cars and motorcycles and even scooters. So I contacted Vespa. I asked the company to lend me a scooter for a week. After its reps got to know me well enough to conclude that I was not going to use whatever they lent me to reenact scenes from Jackass, they agreed.

“What is the piece about?” one of the company’s reps asked me.

I told them: Can you ride a scooter and still be a man?