Dealbreaker (one of my favorite sites on the the net) seems to always find funny personals on Craigslist so I figured I would browse through some occasionally to find some I thought were exceptionally funny. Here is one I found. I think this woman is a little wound up. She scares me but if I were single I would be just curious enough to give her a call.


Sparring Partner Sought

Can you perform verbal gymnastics like Lou Ferrigno on crack? No? How about Lou Gehrig? Okay, scratch that question.

Let me rephrase: I want someone strange and wonderful to take me to the moon.

Good Lord. Maybe what I really need to do is refrain.

Oh hell, here:

Not-of-this-world hypersensitive romantic seeks her last first date. I don’t want to die alone let alone die but even if that must happen a little comic relief during intermission would be a delight.

If you can juggle that would be swell, but really any display of cute tricks would be welcome. I can make a noise like a strangling eagle; I am hoping to perform at the White House one day. Do you know anyone who knows anyone?

Christ, this is just not coming together very well, now is it?

Just write me a nice thought-provoking email, okay? Tell me about your mother.

Being a visual creature, I suppose you would like to know if I’m fat. Personally, I’m more about dental hygiene in a mate, but if you insist–I am sort of like Kristy what’s-her-name from Cheers but I’m smarter, less drug-addled, about 150lbs lighter, and less needy. Do the math. Okay, you know what? I don’t look nor do I act like her. Maybe our bodies were similiar right at that pivotal point inbetween where she was REALLY hot and gained 200lbs. I don’t know. You’ll find out if you’re brave enough to write me with something real and then I respond to you and you write back and then I write back and then you write back with your phone number and then I call you and we talk for 24 hours straight and then realize we live next door and you break through the wall like Mr. Kool-Aid and hump me like there’s no tomorrow. For real. Well probably not but you never fucking know, now do you?

I look forward to feeling the dry weight of your extremely long lasso curling around my hourglass figure.

Original Craigslist post

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