Blame the FDA. For many years, the government agency prohibited condoms from being sold in a variety of sizes. Apparently no one over there ever peeked at his buddy in the locker room. To state the obvious, penises come in a lot of different shapes and sizes. Why we’ve been settling for a one-size-fits-all approach to condoms for decades boggles the mind.
Sure, you can buy products like Trojan’s Magnum XL, but this is largely—no pun intended—a marketing gimmick; the condoms are only slightly bigger when stretched out. On the other end of the spectrum are condoms advertised as having a “snugger fit.” Not sure what genius came up with that terminology, but he probably wasn’t a guy who needed a tighter-fitting condom. Finally, there’s the spray-on condom. It will fit you just right, but nothing kills intimacy quicker than taking a spray can to your junk in a fit of pre-coital practicality. What’s a guy to do?
Enter TheyFit Condoms, the first condom to be sized not in “Inadequate,” “Respectable” and “Monster,” but actually tailored to your specific size. All told, TheyFit offers 55 different sizes. Fifty-five! You don’t need to guess, either. The company provides a handy “FitKit” to help you determine precisely what dimensions you need.
TheyFit Condoms are a godsend for men too big for standard condoms and too small for the allegedly roomier wares from Trojan. Rather than jamming into an off-the-rack option, you can now have condoms that fit as comfortably and securely as your favorite sneakers. The TheyFit folks also seem particularly tuned into the sensitivity involved in ordering a condom by size. Rather than having their sizing chart run from thin to wide and from long to short, the FitKit makes reference only to “long” and “longer,” “wide” and “wider.”
And here’s the best part: fitted condoms are also safer. An extensive study published in Sexually Transmitted Infections (what, you don’t subscribe?) found that fitted condoms broke far less often than standard ones do.
The only catch? Just like a bespoke Savile Row suit or a pair of Wagner Custom skis, TheyFits are pricey. At $11.99 per, the sex might cost more than the booze that got you to this point. Thankfully, Condomania offers discounted prices for those buying in bulk. Buy two dozen or more, stud, and the price drops to $4.99 each. Which sounds a helluva lot better than “spray-on condom,” no?