Sorry for the all caps but I didn’t feel like a re-type

A RUSSIAN AND A REDNECK WRESTLER WERE SET TO SQUARE
OFF FOR THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL.
BEFORE THE FINAL MATCH, THE REDNECK WRESTLER’S TRAINER CAME TO HIM AND SAID, “NOW, DON’T FORGET ALL THE RESEARCH WE’VE DONE
ON THIS RUSSIAN. HE’S NEVER LOST A MATCH BECAUSE OF THIS ‘PRETZEL’
HOLD HE HAS. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET HIM GET YOU IN THAT HOLD! IF HE DOES, YOU’RE FINISHED.”

THE REDNECK NODDED IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT.

AS THE MATCH STARTED, THE REDNECK AND THE RUSSIAN CIRCLED EACH OTHER
SEVERAL TIMES, LOOKING FOR AN OPENING. ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE RUSSIAN
LUNGED FORWARD, GRABBING THE REDNECK AND WRAPPING HIM UP IN THE DREADED PRETZEL HOLD. A SIGH OF DISAPPOINTMENT AROSE FROM
THE CROWD AND THE TRAINER BURIED HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS, FOR HE KNEW
ALL WAS LOST. HE COULDN’T WATCH THE INEVITABLE HAPPEN.

SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A SCREAM, THEN A CHEER FROM THE
CROWD AND THE TRAINER RAISED HIS EYES JUST IN TIME TO WATCH THE
RUSSIAN GO FLYING UP IN THE AIR. HIS BACK HIT THE MAT WITH A THUD AND THE REDNECK COLLAPSED ON TOP OF HIM MAKING THE PIN AND WINNING THE MATCH. THE TRAINER WAS ASTOUNDED.

WHEN HE FINALLY GOT HIS WRESTLER ALONE, HE ASKED, “HOW DID YOU EVER GET OUT OF THAT HOLD? NO ONE HAS EVER DONE IT BEFORE!”

THE WRESTLER ANSWERED, “WELL, I WAS READY TO GIVE UP WHEN HE GOT ME IN THAT HOLD BUT AT THE LAST MOMENT, I OPENED MY EYES AND SAW THIS PAIR OF TESTICLES RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. I HAD NOTHING TO LOSE SO WITH MY LAST OUNCE OF STRENGTH I STRETCHED OUT MY NECK AND
BIT THOSE BABIES JUST AS HARD AS I COULD.”

SO THE TRAINER EXCLAIMED, “THAT’S WHAT FINISHED HIM OFF!”

“NOT REALLY. YOU’D BE AMAZED HOW STRONG YOU GET WHEN YOU BITE YOUR OWN NUTS!”

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