Dear Woman is a video that went viral on Wednesday. It was produced by The video offers apologies to <a href='‘ class=’linkify’ target=’_blank’>women for “thousands of years of imbalance between masculine and feminine energy.” Dear Woman is delivered as an unbroken narrative from a series of mostly-anonymous men who are “committed to growing more conscious in every way." It starts, “Dear Woman…” I embedded the video at the end of this post.

A lot of people are making fun of what some are calling the Sorry Men Video, but I say the Sorry Men Video does not go far enough. These sensitive, sorry men offer a – please excuse the word, but it’s the most accurate – limp apology. The Dear Woman apology – this apology to end all apologies – needs to push deeper, to thrust harder, to touch the very bone of what actually comes between men and women. It should represent the climactic end to the tension that has existed between males and females. Messy? Yes, it must be, but with a wipe of the Towel of Apology, we can move onto an Era of Good Cuddling.

In the spirit of making a more powerful apology to women on behalf of men, I offer this alternate Dear Woman apology, which I hope women everywhere will find more satisfying than the apology offered by the sorry men from Unlike the original, mine goes beyond the abstract and ventures into the concrete, making it applicable to the world we live in today.

To all of the women who read this, I am truly sorry. 

Dear Woman,

I stand before you today as a man committed to becoming more conscious in every way. I feel deep love, great respect and a growing sense of worship for the gifts of the feminine, for example, always knowing who’s gay. I also feel deep sorrow about the destructive actions of the unconscious masculine in the past and present, for things like the XFL and VH1’s The Pickup Artist. I want to apologize and make amends for those actions today, so that we can move forward together into a new era of co-creation, which is a New Age way of saying getting it on. 

As I become more conscious, I grow more aware of the play of masculine and feminine energy in me, in you, and in all of life. I know that we all have access to the full spectrum of these energies. That doesn’t mean I’m bisexual, mind you. It means it would be OK if I was bisexual, which I’m not, but it’s cool if anyone is, because we all have masculine and feminine energy running through us and what happened in college doesn’t really count, right?

I also have a growing awareness of a dimension beyond all dualities, free and open, like the sky, but this is because I just took a lot of acid. 

I commit to owning and stewarding a masculinity that honors and celebrates us as equals. Starting now, I will balance the checkbook while you change the oil. I will set the dinner table while you mow the lawn. I will stay home until our children are 18 while you work 60-hour weeks and die in your early 60s from a heart attack. Let us welcome the celebration of equals with open arms. 

I know that in order to truly honor you as a multi-dimensional woman – as a woman who seems to be interested in more things than just cats and American Idol – I must stand fully present with myself and own the gifts I have to share with you. To be fully present, I will forsake alcohol and drugs with the same fervor with which you forsake the things I like.

We can create great miracles together – emotional double rainbows! – by nurturing each other in a conscious way, by treating each other with reverence and respect and by worshipping the divinity expressed in the masculine and the feminine energies. I know it is OK for me to act like a man because there is a balance, too, when I also act like a woman. I know it is OK for you to act like a man, too because you are a woman. Balance. The masculine and feminine is in both of us. The answer, you see, is that if we all act like men finally then the world will be a better place.

As a man, my relationship to the feminine has often been unconscious. I feel sorrow that for so long women and feminine energy have been subjugated and oppressed. Moving forward, I will learn to love you as much as you love other women, which actually means I will love you a lot less.

Throughout history, men have raped and abused you, burned you at the stake, bought and sold your bodies for sexual pleasure, barred you from religious and political office, relegated you to subservient chores, forced you to hide your faces or even forced you to cut off your organs of sexual pleasure. I wasn’t personally responsible for any of those horrible things. And none of those horrible things happened to you. But, I am sorry for those things. I hope you feel comfort knowing that I have apologized for the things that I did not do that did not happen to you.

With the march of time, many of the men who have oppressed and abused you are no longer alive, because the Dixie Chicks killed them. Among the living, many men may not be able to apologize because they remain shackled in prisons of anger and fear and shame or prisons of actual prisons.

To quote, "On behalf of my gender I apologize to you for our unconscious actions when we were angry, scared and in the grip of destructive forces in our psyche." Because they were unconscious actions, my conscious self was not actually responsible for causing them them, but I am sorry that things I could not control happened, like I am sorry when there is a flood in India and someone’s house gets washed away.

I offer you this apology in hope that we can make a fresh start in the spirit of “co-creation.” 


Joe Donatelli
Los Angeles
April 6, 2011 


Dear Woman