By: Debra the Dating Diva 

Most men think text is the best invention since Playstation. It’s the perfect tool to avoid a long conversation, get information across without niceties, and even connect with one girl while out with another. But, be careful not to misuse text or you’ll turn off a woman you’re trying to pursue. If you don’t learn texting etiquette and squeeze in some voice action, you’re not going to get any real action. Here are a few Dos and Don’ts of texting to follow: Learn it, live it, text it, send it.

DO NOT’s to avoid offensive texting

• Do NOT have the entire relationship via text. If you don’t take the time to pick up the phone and have a conversation with a girl, she may never feel connected to you or have the desire to even want to meet you. I had a friend who dealt with a guy who texted her so much but never called except once on a Friday night when of course she was out. She got so fed up with the texts that she never even met him and wondered why he was still texting.
• Texts should be supplementary to a conversation, not replace them. This is very important. Texts in between conversations are fine but make sure to balance how often you text with how often you see her and call her. If something – ANYTHING- needs to be discussed, do NOT do it via text.
• Avoid using winks in a text. A simple phrase can be read with a sexual connotation without a wink.
• Do use happy faces if you’re writing a text where you are being sarcastic. It shows that you are kidding and she’s less likely to get offended.
• Steer clear of sending too many texts. If you do, you’ll just become a pest. Make sure you get a response before sending your next text. And don’t text unnecessary random ramblings that she won’t find interesting or want to respond to such as “I just made it to the last level of dungeons and dragons.” Whoopee.
• Don’t be that guy standing in the bar texting all night. Even if you don’t know where you want to go next or want to show a girl you’re thinking about her when your out without her, don’t turn the texts into a whole conversation spending the whole night out on your phone. 
• Do NOT, under any circumstances, text back when she asks for a call. I have broken up with men on several occasions for this reason. 
• Do NOT send a text that requires a long response. When I get a “How are you” or a “how have you been?” text, it spells “work” to me. I don’t want to sum up my life in a line which won’t tell them how I’ve really been anyway or type out paragraphs of text on the tiny keys at stoplights.
• Do NOT ask a girl out via text. It is an impersonal cop out. 
• Do NOT plan the first date via text. Another guy texted me to ask if I’d meet him on a certain corner that afternoon. Um, no.

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• Do NOT send text with pictures of your food. Even if you got home to see that your roommate cooked you two salmon, do not text it to a girl you just met. She’s really just going to be like WTF is this guy sending me salmon for and you’ll become a story she gabs about to her girlfriends.
• Do NOT send a text that needs explanation. For example, do not text something like “my divorce isn’t final yet” or “Actually, I’m hanging with my ex’s kids today” It will only illicit a “What the hell!” response not in your favor. You may never hear back.
• Watch out for the times you send texts. If you send a text after midnight, it may be mistaken as an inappropriate booty call. For most girls, those are last priority and if you’re serious about dating her, don’t let her think that’s all you want. Instead of a “Come over” booty call text, if you can’t call, write something like “I know this may be late but I’d love to see you if your plans are done and you’re up for it.” Or, better yet. Don’t text. Just call her the next day and make plans. It’s much more respectful and she’ll have more respect for you in return.
• Do not argue via text. It’s not the right medium for an argument. You’ll only end up offending her and confusing things more leaving more to talk about when you do talk. 
• Be careful what you text when drunk. This one’s a no brainer but worth mentioning. Drunk texting is a dangerous game. Text safely.
• Be careful when “sexting.” Some girls are cool with this but if you start this early in the relationship, she may get turned off and put you in the hook up category, her last priority.

DO’s for Text Success!

• Do send an “Are you still up?” text if it’s late and you don’t want to wake her by calling. Word on the street is most people are less likely to get woken up by their texts as opposed to a phone call.
• Do send the post-date text. Leave her smiling and keep the flirting going with a “had so much fun with you tonight” text. If something really funny happened on the date, mention that you’re still laughing about it. You can also wet her appetite for you with a “Can’t wait to see you again” text.
• Send “hope you’re feeling better” texts. Whether she’s sick or hurt her back or said she’s exhausted from a late work night, she’ll be happy to get a text that lets her know you care about her. Trust me, the more she thinks you care about how she feels and her needs, the less sensitive and needy she’ll be towards you because she already feels that support and won’t have to test you or resent you.
• Do send a text that lets her know you are thinking about her. If you see something you two talked about that reminds you of something you talked about on your date, do send it. It doesn’t require a response and will leave a smile on her face. 
• It’s okay to text her that you’ll call her later if you can’t pick up the phone. Don’t just write, “Can’t chat what’s up.” Instead, let her know why you can’t pick up like “sorry, in a loud bar” and when you’ll be able to call her back “can I try you in an hour?” Also, ask “ Do you need me to step outside and call ya?” in case anything is urgent.


Debra the Dating Diva is a LA-based dating coach and writer. When she’s not charming the men of Los Angeles, or hitting up the hottest social events and outdoor activities, she’s cataloging her dating adventures and giving men the inside scoop on what women want them to know at her website blackbookbuilder.com. Got a dating question for Debra or her panel of ladies? Drop her a line at blackbookbuilder@gmail.com.

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