According to the much-publicized “Deflategate” report prepared by attorney Ted Wells and released yesterday, Tom Brady refused to turn his cell phone over to NFL investigators.

But we managed to get our hands on it. (Don’t ask how!)

Here are some of the more intriguing messages we came across.

From Bill Belichick
U implicate me in this thing and I’m throwing you under the bus. Literally.

To Gisele
Hey babe, can’t wait to see you tonight.

From Rob Gronkowski
I am Gronk

From Bill Belichick
And I’ll start Garoppolo. I won 11 games with Matt frickin’ Cassel. I’m not worried. But you should be.

To Gisele
Whoops, not for you! That was for Julian. Hope you’re having fun in Rio!

From Equipment Manager Jim McNally
Still need a couple autographed footballs from you. Not lying to the NFL unless I get TWO signed footballs.

To Modell’s Sporting Goods
Hi. I’d like 10 of your best air pumps. Q: Can they fit inside a hand warmer thingy?

From Rob Gronkowski
I am Gronk!

To Owner Robert Kraft
Dude, chill with the blue shirts with white collars. It’s a bit much.

To Roger Goodell
You suspend me for more than a game and those “Goodell hates black people” rumors might pop back up. Just saying.

To Bridget Moynahan
I should’ve stayed with you. Gisele driving me crazy. Soccer soccer soccer zzzzz

From Rob Gronkowski
I AM GRONK!!

To Leonard Hair Clinic
You know that bald spot that Randy Moss pointed out? It’s getting larger. Can I come in for a quick 1k follicle touchup 2nite?

To Bill Belichick
Lol. Garoppolo sucks worse than Bledsoe. Good luck with that, cutoffs.

To Bridget Moynahan
Also, caught the latest blue bloods. Heartwarming. Love those family dinner scenes.

To Rob Gronkowski
Stop texting me, bro. Joke’s over.

From Bill Belichick
Ok ok you’re right. Hey you through with MY COUSIN VINNY? Want to watch this weekend. #macchioforever #pescirules

From Rob Gronkowski
What joke?