Sometimes we all need a little release; a break from the dizzying bustle of traffic, spilled coffee and stumbles on the sidewalk en route to work. We all crave a little slice of solitude, a place where we can get away for awhile and just be.
And what better place than where the radio frequency and cell phone signals go awry? Yes, I’m talking about the wilderness. The squat to pee, wipe your butt with a leaf kind of wilderness. The kind of wilderness that affords a type of solitude that can’t be bought, only felt. The kind of wilderness that replaces five-star hotels with campfires under the stars.
Well, that and steamy outdoor sex… that can be disastrous if you go about it the wrong way. Try these tips for having a hot-ass time without getting hijacked by the flora and fauna.
1. Steer clear of strangers
Depending on what national park or rural area you’re in, be wary of other campers. The last thing you want to do is lock eyes with someone’s five-year-old who got derailed picking daisies. If you’re in the heat of the moment, at least be wary of the tent door being ajar.
2. Don’t play dumb tourist
If you’re going to roll around au naturel, be prepared for nature to bite you in the ass—literally—with everything from ticks to spider to dangerous foliage. Protect yourself with some insecticide and, whatever you do, don’t roll over into a patch of poison ivy.
3. Easy on the candle-based romance
This should go without saying but yeah, no one wants a bonfire of another kind because you decided to light the real thing inside your tent. If you really want some mood lighting, fake candles are fine.
4. Make it comfy
If you’re looking to get closer than a sea of blankets, try a two- person sleeping bag, especially if you’re up in the mountains where the temperature can significantly drop.
5. Bring the wood
Why not try a twist on the proverbial girl over the desk and try it against a tree? Not only is it incredibly carnal but also the risk factor makes it all the more exciting. Keep an eye out for park rangers. An indecent exposure charge is a definite boner kill.
6. Get ready to rock
Boulders can make for a support system and privacy in one. If you find yourself in a canyon out west, these can definitely be inviting for a semi-private session out in the open. Chalk bags and climbing shoes optional.