Since the Fed is going around bailing everything I figured they might as well go out and throw a few billion at these things

1. Boxing. A few hundred million to train some fighters that people actually care to watch or bribe some MMA guys to come over. UFC is four hundred times better.

2. Britney Spears. She only gets $1500 now a week thanks to a judge. To keep coked up she’s going to need a bunch more than that. Hook er up

3. Give Spitzer some “goin‘ out” hoes. He’s about to resign and lose his wife. He might as well do it with a million dollar orgy. Hook em up

4. NBC. Maybe a few billion might let them write a few good shows. They need to hire me. I have this show about this nurseryman that grows plants by day and writes half assed comedy at night.

5. A rebate for anyone that buys a new American car. They are losing half the value of their purchase for almost any American car they buy right now. Just give them the balance

6. All Newspapers. Subscriptions are up right now because of baby boomers. Wait until the next two generations come up. Have you ever seen a 20 year old with a newspaper? Bail em out

7. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Please bail this girl out of her dead career. Get rid of her fat ass, buy her a few good roles so I can see those fun bags on the big screen again. Or just skip it all and let the fed pay her $10 mill to get skinny an pose in OUI.

8. Wikipedia. At least the money would go to a good cause and not bailing out a bunch of morons. They really are broke