You just got back from the ultimate bachelor party last night. You’ve got a hangover even though you drank with dignity. It’s time to splash some water on your face and feel like a man again. And as long as your medicine cabinet is stocked with these manly products, you’ll feel like the bastard you are in no time.
The Ultimate Straight Razor
You’re a man now. It’s time to ditch the electric razor. And you know what? Ditch that Mach 3 too. A man doesn’t need three tiny blades — he needs one big one. Using a straight razor leaves you prone to cuts and takes up more of your time, but it gives you the smoothest shave of your life and it’s another excuse to keep a deadly weapon lying around your house.
Which straight razor should you stuff in your Manly Medicine Cabinet? We suggest the Dovo Black "Bismark." Sure, it retails for $138 and that could be 1380 wings at your local watering hole’s 10 cent wings night, but why not cut your stomach some slack and spring for the razor instead?
If you’re springing for the straight razor, you’re going to need a killer shaving cream as well. Well, partner your low-tech razor with the high-tech shaving cream-stylings of Billy Jealousy’s Hydroplane Shave Cream . Thanks to some sort of technology we can’t fully understand, this shaving cream gives you an incredible, smooth, close shave without any bumps or irritation. We think there’s a wizard involved, but we’ve been known to be wrong on occasion.
Soap n Shampoo
There are loads of so-called "manly" soaps and body washes on the market. Some smell better than the others but they all pretty much do the same things — cost a lot of money, get you clean and, at the end of the day, dry out your skin. The same thing goes for shampoos.
So why not switch over to something that’s actually pretty rugged — Dr. Bronner’s castile soap. Whoever Dr. Bronner is, he makes one helluva product — the castile soaps "he" sells clean your body, your face and your hair without leaving your skin dry. And it’s really cheap too — you can get a huge jug of the stuff for under $15. Hell, the package even suggests using the soap to clean your clothes and brush your teeth. That’s probably going too far, but an all-purpose soap? It’s like a Swiss Army knife in a bottle… and that’s manly.
You’re old enough to realize women like a guy with a little product in your hair… but you’re also smart enough to avoid that Jersey Shore flame out look as well. What’s a guy to do? Billy Jealousy scores again, this time with their Lunatic Fringe Hair Pomade (great name by the way).
Pomade gives your hair shape without explicitly messing with its texture. And thanks to the non-secret ingredients in this Lunatic Fringe Hair Pomade (saw palmetto, avocado oil and other stuff we can’t spell or pronounce), your hair will please the ladies without pissing off you pals. And that’s all a guy really cares about, right?
To wear cologne or to not wear cologne, that is the question. The answer is, it really depends. Should you wear cologne when you’re going out wit the old lady? Sure. Should you wear cologne when you’re playing softball with your buddies? No, unless you have a different definition for "softball" than we do.
But for all the occasions when it’s appropriate, we recommend Creed’s Green Irish Tweed. If you’ve ever wondered what a millionaire with balls the size of Mars smelled like, this cologne is as close as you can get.