1. Scientists may have cracked the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle.
Good news, old-timey pirates and oceangoing adventurers: Science has blown the lid off this whole Bermuda Triangle thing… maybe. Researchers from the Arctic University of Norway have detected the presence of giant, methane-spewing craters beneath the Barents Sea, 150 feet below the surface. And they believe that these undersea geysers could be behind the sinister happenings in the Bermuda Triangle over the centuries. It’s not proven yet, but the theory is that gas hydrates (a.k.a. “burps of death”—yes, seriously) can wreak havoc on ships and airplanes. Avast!

2. Domino’s is testing a pizza-delivering robot in New Zealand.
It may not quite be the Singularity, but it’s getting there. Meet the Domino’s Robotic Unit (DRU), a Wall-E–sized lil’ guy who has begun delivering ’za to customers in New Zealand. DRU keeps pizzas hot and beverages cold, can deliver within a 12-mile radius, and can be unlocked by customers using a code. Which is all well and good, but how long until these guys start getting pizza-jacked? Thing needs an onboard defense system, if you ask us.

dominos pizza robot

3. Too much punning could be a sign of brain damage.
Of course there’s a German word for it: Witzelsucht, a.k.a. a pathological tendency toward dad jokes. A sufferer went to see a neurologist after his wife complained of him waking her in the middle of the night to share dumb puns. He churned out a whopping 50 pages of jokes and brought them to his doctor, and it sent up a whole bunch of red flags. Turns out the dude had a subarachnoid hemorrhage pressing on his right frontal lobe, the part of the brain that deals with “humor appreciation.” The scary side is that it can also lead to a lack of empathy, and can be an early sign of dementia. So keep an eye on that wordplay compulsion. It’s no laughing… gray matter. (We’ll see ourselves out.)

4. The cast of Hamilton performed at the White House.
In a very, very scary election year, it’s nice to know that wonderful things can still happen in American politics. Case in point: President Obama invited Lin-Manuel Miranda and the cast of Hamilton to perform their groundbreaking, pluralism-celebrating rap musical at the White House, for an audience consisting of the POTUS, the First Lady and a group of very lucky local high schoolers. The performance was predictably amazing, but so was Obama’s inspiring introductory speech, in which he called for support of the arts, education and diversity and said that Hamilton is a reminder that “America is not the project of any one person. America is what we make of it.” While we wipe these tears from our eyes, check out a video of Obama leading Miranda in a freestyle rap session in the Rose Garden. Seriously.

5. The heir to the legacy of punk is going to burn it all down.
There’s nothing more punk than destroying punk. Joe Corré, the son of Sex Pistols impresario Malcolm McLaren and fashion iconoclast Vivienne Westwood, is responding to how mainstream punk has become by literally setting it on fire. The Queen did speak in honor of the 40th anniversary of the movement after all—perhaps the ultimate irony, considering Johnny Rotten & Co. famously damned her in “God Save the Queen” back in 1977. To counteract the rampant sell-outism, Corré will burn £5 million worth of classic punk memorabilia, and encourages other diehards to do the same with their own collections. Somewhere, the ghost of Sid Vicious is grinning like a maniac.