You don’t have to like baseball to enjoy a good baseball yarn. The national pastime’s fictional history is as rich and deep as the sport itself. From Hobbs to Powers, here’s a lineup of legends that never actually played the game, but we sure wish they had.
Ricky Vaughn, Major League Before Charlie Sheen became a public spectacle he played one in the movies.
Sam Malone, Cheers In his previous life, Malone was one of the greatest relief pitchers to ever grace the Red Sox lineup. In the early ’80s, this was about as auspicious as being the valedictorian at summer school.
Henry Rowengartner, Rookie of the Year Don’t pretend that part of you didn’t want your arm to break so you could get super powers after seeing this kid. And then score with Tara Reid when she was hot six years later.
Roy Hobbs, The Natural You know you’re destined for a career in the big leagues when mysterious lightning creates magical baseball bats for you.
Ham Porter, The Sandlot Chances are you will never be as awesome as Ham Porter, who grew up to be professional wrestler The Great Hambino.
Charlie Brown, You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown Brown isn’t much of a place kicker and he’s not much of a pitcher, either. He’s good at rallying the troops, though. Maybe he has a future as a mascot?
Bingo Long, The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings Long exemplifies everything that’s awesome about barnstorming—going from town to town, doing some Harlem Globetrotters-style stuff, taking a pile of money and moving on.
Crash Davis, Bull Durham Why not Nuke LaLoosh? Because we’ll take an experienced minor league vet over some rookie hotshot who’s just happy to be here any day.
Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own Dugan said what we were all thinking: There’s no crying in baseball.
Kenny Powers, Eastbound and Down Sweet jet ski, dude.
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From Hobbs to Powers, here’s a lineup of national pastime loving legends that never actually played the game, but we sure wish they had.