10 Really Expensive Christmas Gifts

Even if you aren’t a Saudi oil baron, it’s fun to gaze at the extravagant luxury items upscale brands roll out around the holidays. From a $75,000 “fantasy tent” to a $250,000 cigar to a $2,000,000 car, it’s all here, folks, ordered by ever-escalating price. Take notes for the day that crazy Super Bowl bet you placed on the Denver Tebows back in September (when they were a 100 to 1 shot) finally pays off.

Louis Vuitton Condoms, $68: Because, honestly, who doesn’t have a designer, um, package? You can pick these up at any Louis Vuitton store around the world. The “LV” branding isn’t just on the packaging, either. You’re going to be wrapping your manhood in one of the world’s most iconic logos. Next stop: Monocle! www.louisvuitton.com

Limited Edition Etch-A-Sketch, $1,500: Why not get the wee ones started on conspicuous consumption early? This high-end Etch-A-Sketch is one of only six in the world. Note that those are real crystals, each of which was lovingly applied by hand by the very people currently planning a worldwide Communist insurrection. Let them eat cake! www.fao.com

Johnnie Walker Private Scotch Tasting Session, $5,000: Nothing says “pretentious and wealthy” quite like a taste for fine Scotch. Participants get to sample every variety of Johnnie Walker and take a bottle of Blue home with them. Oh, and all proceeds go to charity. So that first line makes us look like total jerks. Guilty. www.neimanmarcus.com

Gucci/Bianchi Bike, $6,200: There are pricy fixed gear bikes, and then there’s a Gucci pricy fixed gear bike. If you want real style, throw down for this classy number made of ultra-lightweight carbon and leather detailing from the world’s biggest, and chichi-est, Italian brand. www.gucci.com

Neiman Marcus Edible Gingerbread House, $15,000: Here’s something to instantly make your kids feel entitled: a gingerbread house big enough for them to play in before they eat it. There’s 381 pounds of candy in this structure, so make sure to schedule your appearance on Maury’s “fat baby” episode of the week in advance. www.neimanmarcus.com

Dream Folly Fantasy Tent, $75,000: When the weight of the world begins to make your wealthy head weary, retire to the seclusion of this 18-foot diameter tent. It’ll give you a quiet place to go and try on top hats after a hard day of making piles of cash. www.neimanmarcus.com

Coro #5 El Gigante From Gran Habano, $250,000: Dominican cigars are the new Cubans. Why not purchase a few of these fine, hand-rolled stogies as stocking stuffers for you and yours this Christmas? You know what they say, smoke ’em if your mouth is really, really big. www.ghcigars.com

Porsche Design Advent Calendar, $1,000,000: This beauty is limited to one per continent. As you count down the days until Santa arrives on his sleigh, reward yourself with the gift of cuff links, a watch, shoes and more. Why not? You’ve earned it, baby. www.porsche-design.com

Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport, $2,000,000: Buying your loved one a Lexus for Christmas is tres déclassé, n’est pas? While a top-end Lexus costs a mere $375,000, you can show her you truly care by wrapping a ribbon around a ride that goes for more than five times as much. www.bugatti.com

Gold, Leather and Crystal Jacuzzi From Arcaro Martini, Priceless: These Jacuzzis were specifically made for people living in the United Arab Emirates. Why luxuriate in anything but the finest gold, leather and Swarovski crystals? If you must know, price varies because they are made to order. www.arcaromartini.com