Meet girl. Bring home. Get action. If only it were that simple. But each of those three steps present challenges that can leave your bed empty. Right now, I want to address the second one. You see, just because a girl agrees to come to your place doesn’t mean she’ll stay. Your home says a lot about your level of awesomeness, and it can work for or against you with the ladies. Here are 10 surefire turn-offs—and how you can turn them into turn-ons. Trust me, our newfound interest in seeing your bedroom will be so worth the effort.
1. Sketchy bathroom soap. Yes, details this small can send a girl for the door. No girl wants to wash her hands with a grimy bar of soap that she has to peel off the sink counter. Instead, head to your nearest drug store and get some simple pump hand soap. She’ll thank you for it—it just may not be with words.
2. Lack of hand towels. Just because you use your daily shower towel to dry your hands, doesn’t mean your lady guests should. Aim to always have a clean hand towel hanging in your bathroom, so she doesn’t have to air-dry or risk exposure to your shower-towel germs. (Really, when’s the last time you ran it through the wash?)
3. Improperly oriented toilet seat. If you grew up with females in your household, you really should know this by now, and yet many guys seem to blow it. Put the toilet seat down and your girl won’t have an awkward and embarrassing falling-into-the-bowl-in-the-middle-of-the-night incident. Also, the more immaculate it is, the more impressed we will be.
4. Poorly stocked kitchen. Just because you’re not cooking a fancy dinner for your date doesn’t mean she won’t notice a juvenile kitchen. And if she sees rotting food, a fridge holding only Chinese leftovers or orange juice so old it’s fermented, she just might bail. Have a kitchen stocked with at least the basics—late night snacks or even breakfast treats. And, hey, would a bottle or two of fine wine kill ya?
5. Dirty dishes. So you don’t like doing dishes. Who does? But leave a week’s worth of food-crusted plates and bowls on display in the sink—complete with buzzing flies—and you’ll be lucky to even hug that girl you just brought home. Planning on a date or a night out that might end with a tour of your apartment? Take the five minutes you spend gelling your hair and use them to tidy up.
6. Signs of last night’s party. Sure, you may like to have a party or drink beers with your boys now and then, but leaving the evidence of it—empty cans, cigarette butts and God forbid, tobacco spitters—just makes you look immature, messy and unattractive. Do yourself a favor and clean up the trash before inviting in the treasure.
7. Unseemly reading materials and décor. We get it, supermodels are hot—and they’re even hotter in bikinis (or less). But no date who stops by your apartment will appreciate chesty posters you pulled from Sports Illustrated when you were 17 or copies of Playboy in plain sight. You’re a grown man now attempting to interact with grown women. Time to put the smut under your bed and save it for desperate times.
8. Unkempt bedding. Even if your sheets are clean, when they’re strewn and twisted about the bed, that’s unappetizing enough to turn a girl away. And let’s not even discuss dirty sheets—no one wants to see the evidence of last Saturday’s encounters less than this Saturday’s date. Keep your bedding clean, made up and matchy-matchy to turn your room into the welcoming, sophisticated place she’ll want to hang around.
9. Pictures of ex-girlfriends. We females can be jealous creatures, meaning you probably shouldn’t leave that framed photo of you and whatshername from Cancun on your dresser just because you look buff. The new girl in your life isn’t going to notice your abs—she’s going to notice the blonde in the bikini on your arm, and she won’t like it. At the very least, replace it with a group pic—if there are five other people in the pic, it’ll look a lot less suspicious.
10. College furniture. A futon was acceptable when you were 20, but now it’s just sad. Same goes for the rest of your shoddily put together college furniture. Your new suitress can’t envision herself cuddling up in front of the TV on a flattened mattress through which she can feel the wire frame. And she certainly can’t envision herself in any sort of relationship that goes beyond one night if the guy can’t even commit to a nice living room. Make a few investments in grown-up pieces and they’ll get a lot more use, if you know what I mean.