Christmas is coming. That means eggnog, Santa Claus (he’s real, alright?) and ogling gifts that are way, way out of your price range. Just imagine the look on your dad’s face this year when you get him that gold-and-crystal bicycle he’s been pining for. Read on for this and other delectable treats of conspicuous consumption in this guide to the most opulent presents money can buy.
Meteorite CufflinksPrice: $1,600Silver is good. Gold is better. What's better than that? Gold and silver cufflinks with space rocks set in the middle, duh. Act fast, though: There are only 25 pairs available. Unless you're Richard Branson and can simply charter a spacecraft to go collect some more, of course.
Bespoke Global Falconry CompanionPrice: $150,000Still playing polo? Time to level up with this custom falconry set that includes a gold perch, an elk-skin glove and a decanter/cigar case set. Comely young lass not included.
Breguet Tourbillion Messidor WatchPrice: $126,444This is an 18-karat gold watch with an alligator/crocodile band and a scratch-resistant sapphire crystal. The dial color? That’s called “skeleton.” Patrick Bateman approved.
Indian Larry's Wild ChildPrice: $750,000Whether you ride or not, this thing is a bona fide work of art and there’s only one like it in the world.
Forevermark Diamond ExperiencePrice: $1,850,000All the first-class travel and luxury accommodation that you need to see where your diamond came from and how it got to you. Includes dinner with DeBeers and Forevermark CEOs.
Jack Row Jaali Gold and Petrol Blue DIamond PenPrice: $46,000This pen looks like a bit like a cross between one of the Pope’s hats and an Orthodox Church spire. One thing it doesn’t look like? A Bic.
The Dalmore Patterson CollectionPrice: $1,600,000What do you get for the whiskey aficionado in your life? Twelve unique whiskies in crystal decanters that come with their very own bespoke cabinet and a one-of-a-kind ledger made just for this set. Shots, anyone?
Triton 3300/3 Personal SubmarinePrice: $3,300,000The most popular option from Triton, this sub is a great way for you and your pals to explore the ocean deep. The best part? It fits conveniently on your yacht.
Aurumania Gold Bike: Crystal EditionPrice: $114,000What do you do when a gold bike just isn’t enough? Get one that is, additionally, covered in crystals.
CiclottePrice: $11,000In case you can’t tell, this is a wildly impractical stationary bike—a must for any affluent man’s office.
2013 Lamborghini VenenoPrice: $3.9 MillionIt looks like a Batmobile and it goes from zero-to-60 in 2.8 seconds. Need we say more?
ZERO Personal CopterPrice: PricelessThis is actually just a concept, but an Elon Musk type might be able to make it happen. It’s a personal helicopter called “Zero,” because in the event of a crash you have zero chance of survival. Hey, go big or go home.