Condoms suck. It doesn’t matter what kind of lubrication you drown them in, what kind of ribs or pressure bumps they've got, or what kind of material they're made out of... Condoms suck. Period. But you know what sucks more? Babies. And sexually transmitted infections. And more babies. Christ, I shudder at the mere thought of it. So what’s a man to do? Not have sex at all, or make the best of an “ugh” situation? Exactly. Here are the eight best condoms to help you make the most of safe sex. Photo: Getty Images/vadimguzhva
1. Trojan Ultra-Ribbed Ecstasy: These get rave reviews from pretty much everyone, so I’d be remiss not to mention them here. They have a very weird shape (like a baseball bat), and purposefully have a loose fit up near the shaft and tip. Trojan claims it allows for a more realistic movement inside, especially thanks to the dual layer lubrication used inside and outside of the condom. The ultra ribbing works well, and while men are sometimes hit or miss about their feelings (I’ve read reviews that say they’re like hazmat suits for your penis), women universally seem to love them.
2. Crown Skinless Condoms: This one is an industry secret, but I’m not exactly in the secrets-keeping business. Have you ever wondered what kind of condoms porn stars wear when they absolutely have to? Have you noticed that they all seem to use the same exact brand—ultra thin, pink color and nearly transparent? Well, this is the one. Crown Skinless Condoms are the hands-down most popular condom used by male porn stars, and all the reviews on them say pretty much the same thing: They’re a snug fit, but they’re about as close to skin as it gets.
3. Durex Extra Sensitive: Listen fellas, you know I’m not bashful, so I’m going to come right out and say it. Part of the reason condoms suck so much is because they rob us of all feeling. And when we can’t feel things, we sometimes tend to, well, malfunction. Durex Extra Sensitive is another excellent ultra-thin condom that consistently receives rave reviewers from young and old alike. They’re inexpensive, incredibly reliable, can be found almost everywhere and are about as thin as it gets. If you need a go-to, this is your huckleberry.
4. Durex Performax: The penis is one of the most sensitive areas on your entire body, and there are literally thousands of tiny nerve endings just in the tip alone. That said, it’s no surprise that a lot of guys need a little help keeping up in the endurance department. Durex Performax condoms are actually pretty thick, but that’s kind of the point—keeping you from being a two-pump chump is their whole reason for being. These condoms also feature ribbing and dots for her pleasure and a shape that gives them a good, painless fit. But the real magic here is in the inside lubricant, which contains five percent benzocaine, which is a literal numbing agent. No, really, it’s a numbing agent that makes it more difficult for you to get off. If you have to use a condom, and premature ejaculation is an issue for you, these are for you.
5. Trojan NaturaLamb: Life is all about yin and yang. Is bacon delicious? Absolutely, but it’s terrible for you. Brussels sprouts taste like absolute shit, but they are incredibly healthy for you. The same principle applies to the Trojan NaturaLamb condoms: They are the hands-down most comfortable and barely-there condoms on this list, but they also don’t protect against STI’s. Like, not even a little bit. We know, it sucks, but these condoms aren’t engineered for your one-night stands. They’re for people in committed relationships who understand the risk of unprotected sex, but who also aren’t looking to have any kids. The condoms themselves aren’t made out of latex, but rather natural animal membrane. They feel like skin because, well, technically, that’s what they are. Sounds gross, sure, but feels awesome.
6. Kimono MicroThin: People tend to have little faith in the reliability and safety of other condoms outside the big guys like Trojan, Durex and SKYN. With all the veritable options out there, I can’t really fathom why. Kimono, for example, has been one of Japan’s most popular and reliable condoms for over 25 years, yet I’m sure this is the first time that a lot of you are hearing about them. Their MicroThin condoms have been called the world’s thinnest rubbers [unverified], and the guys who use them consistently say they’re the thinnest condoms they’ve ever used. The only complaints is that they fit snugly and they’re very light on the lubrication.
7. Beyond Seven Studded: These condoms make our list specifically for those whose partners achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration (because, no, fellas, not all women cum with penetration alone). Textured condoms are great for women who are excited by penetration because, if used correctly, they provide some great stimulation and gentle pulsation. We recommend the Beyond Seven version because these condoms are also super thin, which means you get your fun, too.
8. Trojan BareSkin: Finally, we round out our list with a tried and true classic, the Trojan BareSkin. We’d be willing to bet that everyone reading this article right now has at least tried these classic Trojan condoms and, if you have, you know that they’re a great, basic, reliable, decently affordable ultra-thin condom. Trojan advertises that they’re 40 percent thinner than their standard condoms (which are fucking unbearably thick, by the way), and it definitely feels that way. No frills, no bullshit, just safety and practicality in a small green box.