
All of us go through various imbibing phases over the course of our lives, and while we'll never judge people for drinking what they want to drink, there are certain types of alcoholic beverages that we tend to gravitate toward at certain ages, with good reason. If you’ve already gone through some of these phases, this list will probably bring back some memories—or bring you back to a time when you didn’t remember much. If you haven’t, consider it a boozy little primer for what’s to come…

High School: While we certainly don’t condone underage drinking, many people experiment with alcohol during the period commonly referred to as “the best years of your life” by people who haven’t lived past the age of 19. There are two main categories of high school booze. The first is “whatever your parents won’t notice is missing,” most commonly manifested as watered-down Grey Goose. The second is “whatever your friend’s older brother is willing to buy for you,” usually something no one over the age of 21 has ever purchased to drink themselves. In other words: Malibu Coconut

College: Every single alcohol purchase you make in college should focus on getting the highest amount of alcohol for the lowest possible cost. This includes boxed wine, beers with “ICE” in the name, and flavored vodka sold exclusively in plastic handles. If you’re buying anything that comes in a glass bottle, you’re probably spending too much. The only real exception is celebrations, like when you get a D+ in the core class you need to graduate, or your football team wins a game that causes people to light furniture on fire. On these occasions, you’re allowed to treat yourself to a bottle of André, also known as “the beer of champagnes.” In other words: Popov Vodka

Your Early Twenties: Here’s your chance to apologize to your liver for everything you did in college. This period will definitely be a transitional one, and there will likely be one morning in particular when you wake up with a hangover that takes multiples days to fully get over. Now’s the time to accept your drinking habits need to change and learn what “drinking in moderation” really means. Now’s the time to take advantage of the work parties where you can sample stuff you couldn’t possibly afford otherwise. Most importantly, now’s the time to start drinking name-brand liquors, entry-level craft beers, and wines that cost more than $8 a bottle. In other words: Oskar Blue’s Dale’s Pale Ale

Your Late Twenties: By now, you should be making enough money to afford pricier, classier booze. While binge drinking might be frowned upon, “nice” alcohol lets you get away with drinking more than you probably should. People might judge you for polishing off a six-pack of PBR in one sitting, but there’s no shame in cracking a few tall boys with “Imperial” in the name and an ABV over 10 percent if you had to wait in line to buy them at a hyperlocal craft brewery. It might be considered juvenile to suck down vodka sodas all night long, but it’s acceptable to do the same with artisanal cocktails containing five ingredients, at least one of which you’ve never heard of. And shots might be seen as uncivilized, but there’s nothing wrong with throwing three of them in a whiskey glass and sipping them slowly. In other words: Larceny Bourbon

Your Early Thirties: When you hit 30, you have a couple options. The first is to go all-in on whatever sphere has sucked you in the most over the past few years. Some guys convert their garage into a home brewing operation. Others decide it’s time to turn their basement into a wine cellar. Or to construct a bar to store their collection of homemade bitters and imported liqueurs. A more sensible choice is to start curating a well-rounded bar stocked with spirits critical to the most basic cocktails that can also stand on their own when you want something simple. You’ll want to supplement it with a couple of six-packs of your choice and at least one bottle of wine you can use to impress any guests you care about impressing. In other words: Francis Coppola Diamond Collection Black Label Claret

Your Late Thirties: There’s a very good chance that by this time in life you’re going to be responsible for the life of a small child, which is not conducive to drinking heavily. Your options on most nights will be limited a glass or two of wine, a couple of low ABV beers, or a few splashes of your liquor of choice (or maybe even a cocktail, if you can summon up the energy). That way, when disaster inevitably strikes at 2:37 in the morning, you’ll be ready to take it on— or at least as ready as any person can be at 2:37 in the morning. In other words: Founders All Day IPA

Your Forties, Fifties and Beyond: By now, your palate has probably started to deteriorate to the point where your ability to detect subtle flavors is just another memory you’ll eventually forget. When this happens, there are a couple of paths you can follow. One is to regress back to your college years, where drinking revolved around consuming cheap beers with little to no flavor in sizeable quantities. If you’re seeking a middle ground, you can turns toward brandy, cognac, or any other drink traditionally reserved for European nobility. If you’d rather gravitate toward the high end of the flavor spectrum, your best option is Scotch. The only downside to this path is that it will lead you to unconsciously seek out increasingly potent variants until you one day find yourself wandering aimlessly through a peat bog in Scotland. In other words: Laphroaig Cask Strength
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