For the guy who likes to cook, scoring a cool new kitchen or grilling instrument is on par with unboxing the latest smartphone (minus any fear of it becoming obsolete in three months). Consider this gallery a healthy serving of food gadget porn. Enjoy.
Microplane Meat Tenderizer Tenderize your steaks and fend off any attackers you might encounter at the same time. You can never be too careful when preparing a good cut of meat. $20, microplane.com
Stake 3-In-1 BBQ Tool It's a spatula, tongs, fork and serrated blade all packed into one stylish-looking gadget with a stainless steel body and sturdy wooden handle. Think of it as a Transformers robot for grown-ups. $30, quirky.com
Cast Iron Garlic Roaster Is there any dish that isn't improved by roasted garlic? Toss this sucker on your grill and wait for the cloves to reach melt-in-your-mouth status. $9, surlatable.com
Jalapeño Pepper Roaster Sure, it seems like kind of a niche item, but if you're not eating roasted stuffed jalapeños with every meal you're not really living. $20, williams-sonoma.com
Knuckle Pounder Tenderizer Just in case the first meat tenderizer we showed you wasn't badass enough. This one can also be used to grind herbs, spices and the bones of your enemies. $10, thinkgeek.com
OCD Chef Cutting Board You don't have to have OCD to benefit from the built-in guide lines on this cutting board, but it sure doesn't hurt. $26, thinkgeek.com
Shun Ken Onion Chef's Knife Developed by an ex-Marine named Ken Onion (he f*cking dares you to laugh) this ultra-sharp ergonomic blade is pretty much the last knife you'll ever have to buy. $170, amazon.com