NBA Stars Rock Out With Their Lockout

With no end to the NBA lockout in sight, players are at loose ends. While there’s been a small exodus to hoop it up abroad, most who’ve split are journeymen looking for a little extra scratch. And hey, what’s interesting about dudes playing basketball in November? Not a lot. Thankfully, Carmelo “SVU” Anthony and at least 10 other ballers have much better—or at least more interesting—things to do than work on their low post game. Considering a career change in this lousy economy? Take notes.

Elton Brand is getting into the movie business. He’s reportedly producing a biopic based on the life of slain hip-hop icon Tupac Shakur. Aren’t we all?

Chris Paul appeared with his kin on Family Feud, but the producers weren’t aware that he was in the NBA. His name tag simply said “Chris,” and his job as New Orleans Hornets guard went mostly unmentioned. Good answer!

Dwight Howard appeared in an ad for the new Call of Duty game. Made Man scientists estimate that he got approximately 75 percent less crap than Kobe did for the exact same thing.

Stephen Curry is finishing up a degree in sociology at Davidson with a senior thesis about tattoos. He’s probably just trying to better understand his tat-tastic backcourt buddy, Monta Ellis.

Drew Gooden is developing locations for the Wingstop franchise, which claims it has “taken chicken wings to a whole new level.” Apparently one that only 6’10” lane cloggers can reach.

Luke Walton is taking the skills he learned in the NBA and coaching basketball at the University of Memphis. In other words, he’ll be spending the exact same amount of time on the bench.

Amar’e Stoudemire has started designing clothes with Rachel Roy. We know that whatever he does he’ll make it work. Get it? Like the dude says on Project Runway? Come on, you guys totally know you watch that show.

Blake Griffin is interning with the website Funny or Die. Guess he couldn’t get a job at Break.

Carmelo Anthony’s publicist has confirmed he’ll appear on Nurse Jackie and Law and Order: SVU. He’ll be taking on the challenging role of… himself.

Brandon Jennings is interning at Under Armour. You can never overvalue the experience and connections you get from an unpaid internship through your lucrative sponsorship deal.

Baron Davis does not approve of how you dress. He’s producing a film, American Schlub, about the decline in the American male’s attention to style and grooming... while praying no one remembers this particular post-game get-up.