Dating can be confusing, especially in this modern era of apps and ambiguity. And one thing that isn’t helping is the load of outdated courtship “rules” that don’t acknowledge things have changed. So to make your life easier, erase the following eight from your handbook. We promise, you’ll fare much better in today’s world.
1. Pick up the phone and call her. Although some of us still prefer human interactions, texting isn’t so bad—and it’s so much easier for those of us leading busy lives. Planning and confirming via text is an acceptable, expected approach.
2. You should make the first move. Yes, it is reassuring when a man makes the first move, but it doesn’t have to be this way. If a woman is feeling confident in your connection, she very well might go in for the kiss herself. Feel no obligation to beat her to it.
3. Don’t contact her for at least two days. Holding off a few days before hitting her up? We call b.s. on the “two-day rule.” It’s totally cool to reach out to her the next day or even that same night to let her know you had a good time and would like to see her again. You might as well get to her before she hops back on Tinder, anyway.
4. Bring her a gift on the first date. You don’t need to try to impress a girl with flowers or chocolate or whatever you convinced yourself you should pick up on the way to your meeting. Sure, it’s appreciated, but no, it’s not necessary. In fact, it could be an inconvenience if she has nowhere to put them.
5. You should be dating to find the one. Tinder, Bumble, The League, Coffee Meets Bagel, The Grade, OkCupid, the list goes on. Dating apps were designed for dating—not necessarily marriage. And because everyone and their mother is on them these days, maybe all she wants is a good time. Don’t assume she is looking to lock it down.
6. Pull out all the stops. You don’t need to go the whole nine yards. You don’t need to dress to the nines, either. Casual dates are often a better bet; they come with far less pressure and usually a lot more fun. Leave your tie in the car.
7. You can’t meet a girl at a bar. Actually, there are a lot of great women who frequent bars. They probably have many of the qualities you seek—relaxed, social, into the same scene. And let’s be honest, bars are a helluva lot more fun than a damn farmer’s market.
8. Don’t let her know you’re into her. It’s OK to be straightforward. It’s actually respected. You’re a grown man; quit the games. You can tell her you like her by complimenting her. You don’t need to fall all over yourself, but if you’re too coy, you just might lose her to a guy who doesn’t mess around.