Bacon. Some call it the greatest driving force of modern society. We’re being liberal with the word “some” but you get the point. The stuff tastes amazing and people love it. They love it so much they use it to make things that bacon really has no business being a part of. And yet it works, because it’s bacon, and bacon can do anything it wants. Behold.
Bacon martini Oh, you have an olive in your martini? That’s cute. Now excuse me while I drink the essence of animal meat.
Bacon candle Because Glade PlugIns are for pussies. $17, auntiesadiesinc.com
Bacon mayonnaise Putting bacon strips on a sandwich is a good start, but true connoisseurs require the taste of bacon soaking through the bread, dripping down the sides and smothering the tomatoes and lettuce. And by “tomatoes and lettuce” we mean “more bacon.” $6, baconsalt.com
Bacon mints Your girlfriend doesn’t like the taste of bacon on your breath? We believe you mean your ex-girlfriend. $2.50, mcphee.com
Bacon salt Perfect for any recipe. No, sorry: every recipe. $4.50, baconsalt.com
Bacon lollipops If you want your kids to grow up right, throw away that Tootsie Pop crap. $7, roni-sue.com
Bacon ice cream When you go to buy some, make sure you get the stuff with the real bacon chunks in it. None of that “bacon flavor” fluff. In fact, just cook some bacon, chop it up and mix it into your favorite ice cream. DIY and delicious.
Bacon cupcakes If you can’t find a bakery that makes these, try this easy solution: hold a cupcake in one hand, a few strips of bacon in the other and alternate bites.
Bacon air freshener You will never drive with the window down again. $2, mcphee.com
Bacon floss Finally, a better reason to floss than “it’s required in order to maintain good oral health.” $5, mcphee.com
Bacon soap We’d wash in actual bacon grease, but we like to exfoliate our pores a little. $6, mcphee.com
Bacon jam Don’t have time for a fry-up in the morning? Not a problem. Spread this stuff on your toast and feel the power of bacon coursing through your veins all day long. $15, skilletstreetfood.com