There are tons of silly laws that we know all too well—speed limits, cannabis rules and, what, we can’t ride our banana seat Huffies on the sidewalk?? But it turns out these are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to U.S. legal ridiculousness. Just check out exhibits A through O on the following pages.
In Los Angeles, it's illegal to bathe two babies in the tub at the same time. Bathing one baby simultaneously in two different tubs seems like it should be slightly less legal.
In Topeka, Kansas, servers are prohibited from serving wine in teacups. What kind of uncultured swine would accept wine served to them in anything that wasn’t right out of the bottle?
In Baltimore, it's illegal to take a lion to the movies. This must have gone into effect after the MGM lion began showing up before films, causing audience members who happened to also be lions to totally freak out.
In New York, it’s illegal for women to be on the street in “body hugging clothing.” Anyone who has been to NYC knows this is the least enforced law on the planet. And for that, we are eternally grateful.
In Oklahoma, it's illegal to have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7 p.m. So many questions: What happens after 7 p.m.? Is this like when Gremlins get wet? What if the donkey is awake? What if it’s a hot tub?
In North Dakota, beer and pretzels cannot be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. What?? Wait till ND’s 16 residents hear about this legal travesty.
In Alaska, waking a sleeping bear for a photo opportunity is strictly forbidden. We’re pretty sure this should be illegal everywhere. Then again, the punishment is basically built-in, right?
In Newcastle, Wyoming, couples are banned from having sex while standing inside a store’s walk-in-meat freezer. Next to the Slurpee machine, however, is downright encouraged.
In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a more traditional vehicle. This law? Totally fair. The insurance premiums on a transportational elephant? Totally outrageous.
In New Mexico, females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. Probably why very few French chicks live there.
In Chicago, it’s against the law to eat in an establishment that's on fire. This seems like common sense. Then again, what if they’re serving Chicago-style deep-dish?
In Michigan, a man legally owns his wife's hair. On the upside, the state’s divorce rates are the lowest in the nation!* *Not actually true.
In Nebraska, a parent can be arrested if his or her offspring is unable to hold back a burp during a church service. Keep that gaseous devil within you, child, lest we all burn in a hellfire of burrito reek!
In Massachusetts, mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. But death makes everyone so hungry!
It is illegal to mispronounce “Arkansas.” Enacted after someone with the most Southern accent ever called it “Our Kansas.”
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