According to the latest research, the average man burns somewhere between 21 and 100 calories during sex. That’s basically two Oreos, so it’s not exactly a recipe for getting ripped. Still, getting wild in bed will increase the fitness factor and make things hotter. For example, I'll never forget the time a woman said "watch this" in the middle of a sweaty, sheet-clawing romp. Then she straddled me, spun around so I was staring at her back and just bounced up and down until I shouted "Hallelujah!" Of course, Reverse Cowgirl is minor-league material compared to the following advanced moves. Who knows, they might even burn more calories than a couple of cookies… Photo: Getty/KatarzynaBialasiewicz
1. Sporking: As opposed to spooning, which will surely come immediately afterwards (unless, of course, you excuse yourself to the bathroom, climb out the window and speed away), the "Spork" has her laying flat on her back while you're at a 90-degree angle between her legs. So, yes, you're leaning, and thrusting from the side, and you'll feel it the next day, but you'll also reach a spot in her heretofore not yet hit. With you anyway.
2. Standing Wheelbarrow: This is exactly what it sounds like. She's in wheelbarrow mode, you old farmer you! Her arms prop her up, while you take her from behind, being sure to hold her by her hips in a way that gives her confidence that she won't fall. Pace is up to you and, to be fair, it's got to be relatively fast because if you go the slow, tender route, her arms will begin to tremble right away. But not too fast/hard; otherwise they'd have named this one "The Jackhammer."
3. Pinball Wizard: Remember that sexual undercurrent when you played pinball? No? Was that just me? But, seriously, your middle fingers are moving at a frenetic pace, one placed on the left side of the game (working the button) and the other on the right, and you're slamming your nether region into the machine in an effort to manipulate that pinball. Same here. She can do this on the floor, elbows steadying her, with you holding those hips like the beautiful machine they are. Or, she can take it a bit easier and lay at the foot of the bed, legs up and spread, ready for you to make the bells go off.
4. The Butter Churner: The woman's orgasm is supposed to be "worth it" via this one, but I feel like a BS artist just writing that. She's taking a sharp left into Neck Cramp City. Her neck is taking all her weight, and even a little bit of yours, as she bolts herself upright and you bend it down and thrust it down, repeatedly, churning that butter. This is the surest one to provide aches and pains the next day, for both of you, and you probably won't even be able to orgasm this way, but if you hit the right spot (and I feel like this one is the J or something—a few removed from the G), you'll be a hero.
5. The Lap Dance: When you tell her the name she may fret that this one involves her actually giving you one in a foreplay capacity; it does not. (But she sure can get her stripper on if she wants to!) Quite simply, you are sitting in a chair, she straddles you and gets as Electric Bull with the whole thing as she wants. Try it on a chair with wheels for a real ride!
6. The Double Decker: You lay on your back on the floor (I mean, I guess you can use the bed, lame-ass), and then she lays the exact same way, except her floor is you. It'll give you a nice arm workout as you hoist her hips up into the air, back down onto you, up again and then down again—you get the picture. She really can't do much more than wiggle, unless she places both feet on the floor. But that would turn it into a variation on the Crouching Tiger. Always ride each crazy position you try—especially those ones honored in the Kama Sutra—by seeing it through until the end.
7. The Nirvana: It's missionary-style, but with a twist: She keeps her legs closed, and yours are outside hers. If done on a carpet your knees are going to get hella burnt but, on a bed and with her staying straight, her body transforms into that first pillow you thrust yourself into repeatedly as a kid, with you holding it, watching it and penetrating it.
8. The Crossed Keys: This one's a real trip! She scoots up to the edge of the bed, where you're standing and waiting to do your thing. But instead of her luscious legs being splayed, you cross them, one over the other, basically placing a divine, flesh pretzel before you. She'll start it on her elbows, staring you directly in the eyes, but she'll drop to her back soon enough, blowing her bangs out of her eyes the second her head hits the sheets.
9. The Doorknob: Just stand there, buddy, as motionless as a closed bedroom door. She stands in front of you, treating your little buddy like he's the knob. The least exertion for you on this whole list, but this one just might be the hottest, and give you your best orgasm. She'll start with a writhing motion, and maybe even stick with it, rolling her body. But she can also drop down on her hands and begin backing into you ferociously; it's all up to her. After all, you're nothing more than a door.