In a new Relationship Confessions survey commissioned by epi24, the makers of the Womanizer intimacy product line, women admit to how they really feel about Valentine’s Day. And, while the Hallmark holiday is generally considered a romantic one, the results suggest that it’s perhaps anything but.
Specifically, 41 percent of women in relationships report dreading the day. Actually, 34 percent say they’d rather watch TV than have sex with their partners on Valentine’s Day. For the lucky minority who do make it to the bedroom, 43 percent of women say they have no desire to try anything new and only 21 percent are excited for actually climaxing.
So how do you—a guy who’s already clueless on Valentine’s Day—get your girl more excited to get excited? We caught up with Womanizer representative Morgan Rossi for tips on turning up the heat. These takeaways should help.
“Most men can improve their sex lives by simply listening more and being selfless when it comes to being intimate. A flexible lover is a good lover.”
Ease into new things.
“I think ease is the key word here,” Rossi notes. “If you have both agreed to try something very new to you, chances are, it’s not always going to go as planned. Be prepared to laugh it off and try, try again.” And be patient because 94 percent won’t want to try bondage, 89 percent won’t want to experiment in a daring location, 90 percent won’t feel like role playing and 85 percent will be inclined to say no to new positions. Whoa. “Using a toy together shows a willingness to try new things, to learn more about your partner’s body, and it earns you some major brownie points for confidence—key ‘connective’ factors that re-invigorate sexual stimulus.”
The Womanizer line uses Pleasure Air technology instead of vibration to trigger orgasms more quickly, which sounds like a good place to start.
Communicate your desires.
“Communication is key to heating things up,” Rossi says. “Dirty talk is a great way to get the engine revved up. Plus, it helps your partner to feel desired, which, in turn, helps to boost confidence.” Most women, 72 percent anyway, agree that communication is the most important factor in their relationships—even more so than the 11 percent who voted for having fun together and the mere two percent who said sexual attraction.
Consider sending a sexy note to her office hidden in a romantic bouquet from The Bouqs Co.—you know, just to discretely communicate how much you’re looking forward to getting intimate later.
Put the tech away.
“We live our lives online, so it’s not surprising that women feel social media disrupts the privacy and intimacy of a relationship,” Rossi explains. “In fact, according to a 2015 report from Informate Mobile Intelligence, Americans check their social media accounts on average 17 times per day, and half of all responders said that social media was negatively impacting their relationships.” So, guys, put the phones down and live in the moment.
Cuddle a lot.
A whopping 35 percent of women look forward to cuddling the most on Valentine’s Day—more than the 28 percent who look forward to foreplay and 21 percent who are amped for the orgasm. “It’s the closeness that makes cuddle time significant,” Rossi says. “Cuddling can refer to intimate massaging, kissing and spooning, all of which are important for foreplay or after-play. That closeness also ties to feelings of trust.”
Show her you’re pumped to spoon just as much as she is by gifting her some super comfy loungewear. This cashmere robe from NAKED Voyage will cozy her up and, potentially, sex things up, too.
Do things her way.
A large majority (65 percent) of women say they dislike having to do things their partners’ ways. In other words, almost a quarter don’t like having to wax or shave and 12 percent don’t want to feel obliged to buy new lingerie for themselves. “Most men can improve their sex lives by simply listening more and being selfless when it comes to being intimate,” Rossi advises. “A flexible lover is a good lover.”
Compromise by buying the lingerie for her, instead of, you know, expecting it. Don’t know where to start? For Love & Lemons is curating gift sets to solve that problem for you. Then, from there, try things her way.
Don’t be corny.
Serenading your girl is a no-no—39 percent of women think it’s awkward. Likewise, rose petals on the bed are lame, according to 21 percent of women. “What is embarrassing for you is embarrassing for your partner; unless this is your aim, don’t engage in conventions that feel forced on you,” Rossi states. “Use your words, tell her things you never have. It costs you nothing and a sexy mind is the best tool you have.”
Just don’t forget the chocolates—they’re basically a Valentine’s Day must. In fact, make them aphrodisiac chocolates like these ones from Chuao Chocolatier. Those seem fitting.