Some guys are just born with it. They show up at a gathering and immediately become the center of attention. But just because you don’t have the raw magnetism of, say, Tim Tebow, doesn’t mean you can’t get it. Any guy can up his game with a few basic changes. And while this advice is a bit of a departure from my normal dating tips, trust me, making yourself a vital part of every social encounter will only multiply your success with the opposite sex. Win win.
1. Walk Tall
When you enter a room, imagine you are hung like Secretariat and have $10 million in the bank. Step with that kind of self-assurance. Nothing attracts attention quite like glowing confidence, and when you wear it like an overcoat, people take notice. Remember that when it comes to confidence, “fake it until you make it” is the phrase of the day.
2. Stand at Attention
Self-assured men stand up straight. Slouchers look un-confident, not to mention shorter! To stand up straight naturally, picture a string attached to the crown of your head pulling you upward. Picture another string at the base of your spine anchoring you to the earth. It’ll keep your head in the sky and your balls bolted to the earth. Tip: take a moment to check your body language and posture every time you step through a doorway.
3. Control the Physical Room
Psychic control of a room might be tricky, but physical control of a room is a lot more straightforward. When you sit down at the bar, start rearranging things. It sounds silly, but so do most things that work well on the subconscious brain. What you’re saying to your subconscious when you rearrange things is that you are in control of the situation. Your conscious mind will follow suit.
4. Master Eye Contact
You don’t need to stare like a creep, but you should look people in the eye when you talk to them. Eye contact creates a physical, intellectual and emotional connection while also projecting confidence. Today, and tomorrow, try to note the eye color of every person you speak to face-to-face. This is a particularly important exercise for people who find it hard to make eye contact with others. It also helps you remember names, a skill any man wanting to command a room should have. (Stay tuned for a story on that in the next few weeks.)
5. Show Interest in Others
Social conversations are transactional. You should show that you are willing to get what you give. Ask people questions about themselves: What do you do? Where did you grow up? Married? Kids? Pets? Where does your family live? How do you like your job? What do you do for fun? Not only does it keep the chat moving, it also gives you the opportunity to build meaningful connections. Bonus: people will come away thinking you are great conversationalist.
6. Deliver Smooth Compliments
Compliments are great. But they should be genuine, tasteful and unforced. Forget the ridiculous pickup-artist advice about backhanded compliments or “negs.” Instead, find something you like about the person, then tell them about it. You’ll instantly win points. More importantly, the person will remember you better, just as you remember people who praise you out of the blue. Put a little light into someone’s life and they’ll likely return the favor down the road.
One Last Thing
Learning how to own a room is something that takes time and practice. Start today. And as you gear up your game, give yourself credit for your successes, no matter how small. That will build your confidence and give you the strength to continue when things aren’t going like you might want them to. See you soon at the party we will both be the life of…
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, visit theartofcharm.com.