Halloween dates back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, which fell on the eve of the Celts’ new year, November 1st, marking the end of the summer harvest and the start of a dark, chilling winter often associated with devastation and the merging worlds of the living and the dead—2,000 years ago.
But in the 2,000 years since, we’ve been slacking in the creativity department. Every few years brings newfound costume inspiration—every presidential election, every time a prepubescent teen star rises to sexual liberation and smokes pot for the first time, every Super Bowl halftime fail—but we continue to wear out the same over-priced looks, despite how cliché or exhausted they’ve become.
Friends, it’s time to please hang up these six tired get-ups, for good.
1. The kissing booth
Don’t be that guy so desperate to make out with the sexy Minion that you literally enclose yourself in a box that reads, “Kiss me.” You can do better. And no one wants to kiss the same lips that Poison Ivy did two minutes ago; that’s lethal.
The Tinder getup was funny last year and it’s old news this year. This costume is a lot like the kissing booth—you’re advertising yourself. But instead of advertising yourself as funny, punny, sexy, anything at all, you’re literally just walking around saying, “Date me, anyway.”
3. 50 Shades of Grey
First, this costume says you’re kind of lazy and couldn’t come up with anything more than a gray suit, or stapling gray paint samples to your gray t-shirt. Second, dressing as Christian Grey was clever when the books were first hot off the presses. Dressing as Christian Grey post-film—one of the most hated-on movies ever—makes you kind of a creep.
4. Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson
Sure you can dress up as the guy who was banned from his own reality television show after linking homosexuality with bestiality and terrorism—but you really shouldn’t.
5. Phallic costumes of any kind
An inflatable penis. Super sperm. Dick in a box. These costumes say one thing and one thing only—you’re quite literally kind of a dick.
6. Clark Kent Changing Into Superman
Why? Because this is the most played-out Halloween costume of all time, exhausted by not only men, but also women, babies and dogs alike. (OK, on a dog it might still be kinda funny.)