The 22nd Amendment of the United States Constitution means that, after eight years in the Oval Office, President Barack Obama will be back on the job market very soon.
So in the mustachioed guise of his office manager persona, Randy, Colbert offered unsolicited feedback on Obama’s ornamented résumé on The Late Show last night, in a segment replete with the indignities of a typical job interview.
“I don’t see any promotions for the last eight years,” Colbert said. “That’s not always good. Can you explain that?”
Obama replied, “Honestly, there wasn’t a lot of room for advancement in my last job—the only one with a more powerful position was my wife.”
Since 55 is a “tough time to start over for a man,” Colbert suggested a few tweaks to Obama’s résumé that might better appeal to potential employers. He swapped achievements like brokering international deals to slow climate change and the Iran Nuclear Deal with “proficient in Microsoft Office,” reopening relations with Cuba for “conversational Spanish” and saving the American auto industry with “drives stick.”
And while the segment gave Obama the chance to shamelessly plug a few of his accomplishments (read: almost 30 honorary degrees and the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize), he also took advantage of the opportunity to appeal to millennials and encourage them to vote—not explicitly for whom they should vote, of course, but… he wasn’t not explicit.
When Colbert gave him a choice between “an extra fiber nutrient bar, which has traveled to more than 100 countries, or this shriveled tangerine covered in golden retriever hair, filled with bile that I wouldn’t leave alone with the woman I love,” Obama said: “I think I’ll go with the fiber nutrient bar.”
We can safely assume that President Obama will fare just as well in the job market as he did in the polls back in 2008, but with reluctance—and panic—we see him off with gratitude.