If there’s one inevitability of the holiday season, it’s that, at some point, someone is going to force you to watch a holiday movie. Don’t try to escape the situation without looking like a Scrooge, because you can’t. Instead, try to limit the impending misery by recommending a holiday film that features some quality eye-candy. An unwitting third-party observer won’t be able to tell whether you’re "watching a movie" or "fantasizing about babes", so it’ll just be our little secret. Of course, you’ll have to be prepared for this situation ahead of time, and a knowledge of Holiday Movies Featuring Babes will be essential to your success:
in Fred Claus
Vince Vaughn delivered an amazing breakout performance in Swingers. He’s played basically the same character in every movie since (with some exceptions, like Clay Pigeons, of course). That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as Vaughn’s fast-talking persona is wildly entertaining in variety of circumstances. Depending on your particular taste, a chaotic North Pole may or may not be one of those circumstances. Luckily, Rachel Weisz comes to the rescue. If Vaughn starts to get on your nerves, just wait for the next cut to Rachel as Wanda, who plays Vaughn’s ex-girlfriend, and let the fantasies ensue.
in Four Christmases
Again, it’s our favorite christmas movie star, Vince Vaughn, who we’re convinced has decided to only do one christmas movie per year from now on. In Four Christmases, Vince is somehow dating the incomparable Reese Witherspoon, and the two have to endure four Christmas dinners with each of their divorced parents. As you may have guessed, hilarity is bound to ensue. If it doesn’t, just remember that Reese has a lot of screentime in this film, so there will be no lack gawk-worthy beauty.
in Miracle on 34th Street
Zzzzzzzz…….Oh, sorry. Just thinking about this movie made us doze off. Of course we’re talking about the 1994 remake of the classic Miracle on 34th Street, a heartwarmingly boring story about a litte girl and Santa Claus. Clearly there’s not much room for babes in this storyline, but the ’94 version manages to prominently feature Elizabeth Perkins in her prime, which more than makes up for the over-saturation of old men and children with adorable speech impediments. Try to avoid this christmas film at all costs, but if you plummet into this pit of holiday despair, it’s Elizabeth to the rescue.
in Bad Santa
Billy Bob Thornton and a quick-witted elf are a recipe for wacky hilarity, right? Everyone’s still excited to see Billy Bob playing a gruff deadbeat, right? And elves are always funny, right? If your answer to any of these questions was "Hell, no!", then you probably shouldn’t watch this festive film…unless you enjoy super-hot babes, in which case Lauren will cater to all of your needs.
If you’re lucky enough to get stuck in a viewing of Elf, just remember that it could’ve been a lot worse. Will Ferrell is pretty consistently hilarious no matter what he’s doing. Sure, some of the jokes are a little played out (he’s too big, get it?), but overall the film is tolerable. If Ferrell’s childish antics and constant elf references aren’t enough for you, Zooey’s adorable supporting role will take good care of your imagination.
Of course this counts as a holiday movie. It takes place at Christmas, doesn’t it? There are Christmas lights everywhere! If you can convince your fellow movie watchers to buy into that idea, then you could sell sand to a…sand-monster…anyway, you get the point. It’s a tough sell as a Christmas movie, even though it technically qualifies. The icing on the cake is that Phoebe Cates plays the leading lady, and while you won’t get nearly the Phoebe of Fast Times At Ridgemont High (she’s wearing big sweaters in most of Gremlins), she’s still ridiculously endearing, and still absolutely babelicious.
in Love, Actually
There are two words that every dude tries desperately to avoid at all costs: Chick Flick. Sadly, Love, Actually fits well within the criteria of a chick flick. The good side of chick flicks, though, is that they contain chicks, and this film is no exception. Luckily one of the chicks in question is Keira Knightley, who is easily one of the hottest leading ladies in Hollywood right now, and is sure to make your movie-going experience pleasurable.