It’s practically an epidemic among bars and clubs these days to staff their crew with hot — and oftentimes scantily clad — chicks to pour your favorite adult beverage. But certainly they’d never give plain old you the time of day, right? We decided to find out for you, so we asked around at some of our favorite watering holes across this great land and got the scoop from the very ladies you gawk at while they shake their margaritas. From how to dress, to how to act, to what a free drink might mean, we collected information to better equip you when trying to score with the hot bartender.
Behold, the dos and don’ts while trying to seal the deal with a bartending goddess.
Sarah (from Aspen, CO), Kelly (from New York City), Chrissy (from Los Angeles), Zoe (from San Francisco), and Amber (from Miami)
You’re Not a Pioneer
They’re hot and they are bartenders so they come in contact with thousands of horndogs like you every month. You’re not the first one, so already that’s a strike against you. In fact, Chrissy told us how many times she gets hit on per shift: "About 10 to 20 [times], 10 being a slow night. Most of the time, about half of those are there with a date, ex, wife, or girlfriend. Or my favorite :’just a friend’." Zoe also gets the hits around 20 per shift and Sarah pointed out that as the night progresses, the hits keep on coming because of the liquid courage flowing through guys’ veins. Kelly echoed this sentiment, but Amber offered this advice, "we know we’re going to get hit on, so don’t shy away from it…unless we are out of your league. If you don’t know if you are in our league or not, you’re not." How’s that for a confidence builder?
What Are the Odds
Chissy told us she would give one dude a chance "on a good night." This held up across our panel, with Zoe weighing in with "very few…." The odds are stacked against you, Casanova, but you can be that one with proper training.
It’s a Job, Not a Speed Dating Service
Kelly straight up does not look for guys in bars when she goes to work, while Sarah had this to say about being on the job and being hit on: "It’s a job. Guys aren’t as attractive as they think they are when they’re drunk." Zoe was on the same page with this comment: "I just want to get [the shift] over with, but if a cute guy comes in, it’s a bonus." (Ed. note: condolences to Quasimodo) However, Amber and Chissy offer more hope. Amber said she loves her job and tries to have as much fun as possible while doing it. "If that means hooking up with a guy along the way, well, good for me!" she said. Chrissy agreed about it just being a job, but said, "if someone can grab my attention from all the tons of losers and posers I have to put up with…maybe." So she’s telling us there’s a chance! Oh and she did add "to not be too much of a douchbag!" Sorry, bags of douche.
What Not to Say
You want to break the ice and grab her attention at the same time, but 99% of dudes just can’t get this right. Especially with a bartender who has heard them all. Need a sampling of the worse? Chissy told us the worst she’s heard was, ‘If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?’ Hey, the girl is hot and she knows it. Why such a lame line? It was an instant turn off for her and she explains why, "Ok, I know I have a nice body because I work out, but you really think this does it for me? I know all you’re looking at is my body. Do you even know what color my hair is, or can you not make it past my tits?!" Sarah stated that all pick-up lines are bad while Zoe’s favorite worst was, ‘So, do you want to buy me a drink?’ Amber’s brush with pick-up brilliance was "If you fall, don’t worry. I’ll catch you with my crotch." And Kelly — who looks amazing if we must say so — got this one from a drunken suitor, "Let me put it this way…if there was a skinny chick and you, I’d pick you."
Their collective advice is to forego any pick-up line and just "be a human being," as Sarah put it. Bite your tongue, even if you think you have the wittiest line of all time. They have likely already heard it or will read through your crap as soon as you utter the first word.
You Turn Them Off Because You’re Drunk
We asked our panel what are immediate turnoffs, aside from things like extreme disfigurement, a nipple growing out of the forehead, or an extra 90 pounds around the waist. A theme ran through most of the answers: drunk-ass idiots. Amber hates the drunks. Kelly hates the ones who can’t hold their liquor and soon become condescending and rude. Sarah agreed by saying guys turn her off by "being a loud and sloppy drunk! Guys that yell ‘hey’ and call you ‘Baby’." Zoe hates the bad tipper and is turned off by guys who drink Long Islands (because you are an alcoholic) or drink Malibu and pineapple (because you are a pansy). She also shares a turnoff with Chrissy: guys who hit on them while with another girl. Chrissy says this is a huge negative. As is hitting on her in front of your group of friends. "Yeah, thank you but I don’t want to be hit on in front of an audience!" she said. And we believe her.
The All-Important Approach
How should you approach your hot bartendress to make them think you are more than a guy trying to drink the night away? It appears you need to not be such an asshole — or in Zoe’s case, just tip her $100. Sarah loves the polite guys, but also digs a sense of humor and Kelly even likes it when you ask what her name is, you know, to seem like you want to get to know her. Chrissy messed with out minds by stating she wants you to play it cool, but not so cool that you come off as trying to hard. "Just enough to make us be interested but keep us wanting more," she claims. "Plus, Swingers (the movie) is wrong. I will never take a call or text from a guy after three days. I read that book. I know you’re not that into me or you’re just playing games. Sorry, I don’t wanna’ play!" Amber likes a "confident attitude, but not an asshole." Is that like playing it cool, but not too cool? Good luck with that one, Gents.
Every Girl’s Crazy ‘Bout a Casually-Dressed Man
We know you love your ripped jeans and 12-year-old t-shirt, but you may want to rethink wearing them before putting the moves on your bartender. And don’t throw on your tux from your first marriage, either. These ladies of the bar love for you to fit the place they work in…but never, ever wear sunglasses indoors or at night, Corey Hart. They all like "nice casual with no visible brand names," as Zoe put it. If the place is more upscale, like where Chrissy works, she has this warning for you, "if you are in a t-shirt and sneakers and we are not at a baseball game, then no thank you. Wear your style and not what’s in this week." The casual theme continued with Sarah, "I can’t stand guys that are too put together. Shiny shirts are the worst. Sequins are for old ladies." Amber agreed and Kelly added, "no sweats, but not in a suit." Guess that means no sweatsuits, too.
The First or Second Round Flirt
We wondered if you dudes should stick around and flirt after the first order, or wait for the mating dance to begin during your second round. The answers we got were all the same except for Sarah. She likes you to put your flirts on right after you order your first glass of liquid heaven. "Flirting after the first round is good because you know that he hasn’t gone to scope out the rest of the ladies at the bar, and then come back to you. Then you know that you caught his attention right away. Second round is okay, but the end of the night is a big no-no. That’s the point at which guys are desperate for anyone to take home," she said. We’ve never been in that position…every weekend. The other ladies assured us that the second round is the time to turn up your inner Sinatra. Zoe explains, "second round… that gives me time to talk about him to my fellow bartenders, let them scope him out to see if he’s worth buying a drink for." Chrissy seconds this, but likes a little up front eye contact to let her know what might be coming and warns to not even bother if you didn’t tip the first time around. Amber likes a little of the touchy-feely stuff. "Just get your first drink and start the game during your second order. I know when eyes are on me, so I’ll know you want to make a move and I’ll be ready for it. And a touch on the arm or hand isn’t a bad thing for me. But if it goes further before I want it to, I’ll get security on you," she said. We hope that’s a euphemism.
Don’t be "That Creepy Guy"
We’re never short on friends, but some of you blokes out there have to hit the bars by your lonesome. If this happens, we wondered if you will just seem creepy to your bartending beauty or does this give you an advantage. Our panel weighs in on being alone vs. being with a slew of wingmen.
Chrissy said, "it depends on the situation. If you are rolling solo, then that’s okay with me, but do not hover! If you are with friends, don’t make you hitting on me your group’s topic of the night. Or don’t put me on the spot by having your friends’ girlfriends try to talk to me!" Check friends’ girlfriends off the invite list. We hate them anyway. Amber and Kelly think either alone or with a group is fine as long as you are not creepy and Sarah adds, "being alone is only creepy if the guy is already creepy himself. Sometimes when a guy is alone, it is easier to break the ice with him and start up a coversation." Zoe has a slightly different take on it, "It’s good if he’s with his friends because then you can see the sort of company he keeps. If he keeps on coming up to the bar and ordering two drinks, you can assume he’s on a date." Or an alcoholic. So make sure if your friend is that guy who likes to get piss-drunk and grab every ass that walks by, maybe only hang out with him at Chucky Cheese.
Is She, Or Is She Not?
What are some signals she can give you that will encourage or discourage you from continuing your journey to her lair? Chrissy will simply talk to you more than just about what you are drinking. And if she’s busy, yet still paying attention to you, she says, "yes, there is hope." Kelly recognizes that some of you just can’t get it when she is not interested, but if she is interested, she takes a similar approach Chrissy does, "interested would be if I’m ignoring other people to talk to him." Sarah would just tell you flat out if she is or isn’t interested and will throw your drink at you if she is not (well, maybe not that extreme). Amber says she will tell you if she wants you in her life — or bedroom — and if you are flirting and she doesn’t want anything to do with you, she will also tell you. Zoe has her methods, too: "The easiest way to show you are not interested is by ignoring him and letting one of your coworkers serve him. You can show him you’re interested by flirting shamelessly, or with your body language — leaning towards him over the bar to talk — or by buying him a drink." So if none of the bartenders are serving you, you really are out of options, Sport.
If your bar gal wants you to stick around so she can experience more of your impressive man-ness, would buying you or your friends a free round be a way to keep you there? Chrissy says no way, "I’m old fashioned. I may pour you Top Shelf and charge you for a well drink, but that’s it. A guy should always buy me a drink first!" Sarah rides the fence with a "possibly." While Kelly, Amber, and Zoe say yes, but with this qualifier from Zoe, "depends on if his friends are douchebags or not. I’d either buy him a drink or two, or get them all a round of cheap shots." Hey, it’s free booze, so who are we to complain?
Sign on the Dotted Line…
You’ve made it this far and can already smell the bacon and eggs she might make you the morning after. So how do you seal the deal? Okay, let’s assume you’ve been flirting all night, had a great time, and are exchanging numbers/e-mails/facebook pages/shoe sizes. We asked if it is your job to suggest taking this thing further right away, or would the ladies rather do that?
Chrissy — you remember, the old fashioned one — wants you to make the first attempt, but does add "unless I have had a couple of drinks myself!" Can we get this lady a round of shots, please? Sarah likes to be in the moment and see what feels natural at the time and Kelly would be the forward one if she wanted to step this thing up a notch…although she’d prefer taking that leap the next day. Zoe also wants to make you wait, "Exchanging numbers is as far as it’s going to go on the first night, but he needs to call." However, she doesn’t want you to call the next day, stalker. Amber doesn’t care who suggests taking the next step, she just wants it to get there. "Look, if it’s going to happen, I don’t care if it’s that night or in a week. Just as long as I feel like it should happen, I’ll say it. If he brings it up first, that’s fine, too, but if I want it to happen, I won’t let him walk out the door without saying so." Can someone get us a pitcher of ice water, please?
Finally, we asked our panel to add some parting wisdom to those who want to rope their sexy mixologist. Chrissy had this to say: "Sounds lame, but just be yourself. Don’t try too hard, but don’t play it so cool that I am annoyed! Believe me, if you try too hard I am already over you." Amber adds, "I am looking for a good time above all, whatever that may entail. You prove that you will be a good time and we won’t have a problem." Kelly wants you to "be friendly and sincere." Sarah and Zoe don’t want a barfly. "Don’t become a regular at the bar so that you can see me. Nobody wants to date a regular anyways," Sarah states. Zoe agrees: "Assure me that you don’t go to bars all the time. It’s best if he is out for a friend’s birthday or something, and not doing what he does every Saturday. People who go to bars all the time are boring." She also suggests you be a good tipper and don’t get too wasted. Guess that just cut out 90% of the male population.
So you have an uphill battle if you are looking to impress the pants off of a smoking hot bartending chick. But using this advice from a panel who have seen it all, just might help you be that one guy they will consider on a given night. Good luck.