by Tyler V

Every artist needs a muse. Despite our delusions of grandeur and far-reaching pop culture relevance (as long as you measure relevance as a product of sticky-fingered search engine hits), Chickipedia editors don’t exactly qualify as artists. We still have muses, though.

Sometimes, our muse may take the form of one beautiful woman, or it may take the form of many gorgeous nymphs all frollicking together. There may even be ice cream involved. And midgets.

To make a long story short, this Australian commercial recently aired and momentarily brightened our dark editorial cave like a pair bright gold hot pants shining in the summer sun. We’re inspired to dedicate this article to just a few of the hottest women in recent advertising history. You might not remember the product they endorsed, but now you’ll know who they are and they can inspire you as well.

Tamara Brown

Carl’s Jr. ads appeal directly to YOU (i.e. 13-34 year old males who love fast food and hot chicks). So, some advertising group over there made a very, very good decision when they cast young actress and model Tamara in their latest steak sandwich ad. I had to watch the commercial a few times to even remember what it was advertising due to Tamara’s heart-stopping figure in the tight blue cocktail dress she sports in the spot.

Tamara’s a San Diego native whose ability to freeze men in their tracks with her beauty has come in handy during her modeling career. If her boyfriend pulls any other shenanigans like this and ruins the spectacle of a beautiful dress like this again, she should come running to me. Oh, wait. It’s a commercial. Reality bites.

The Miller Lite Cat Fight Babes

As far as ontological metaphors go, "the chicken vs. the egg" is a few years older than "great taste vs. less filling." But, "great taste" and "less filling" could also be applied to how we eat/enjoy poultry, so perhaps they’re both describing pretty much the same thing? I don’t know, it’s sort of a chicken and the egg situation. Wait…that can’t be right.

Anyway, Miller Lite became somewhat infamous for a very funny ad that ends up with two beautiful models wrestling in a pool for their beliefs about lite beer. Get to know them a little better.

Kitana Baker

Ms. Baker’s an all-around modeling star and down-to-earth girl from Anaheim, CA. More often than not, you’ll probably find her on the slopes, playing soccer, or even a little bit of basketball (she’s an oustandingly sexy 5’10" without heels). She’s posed for Playboy, of course, and a gaggle of other ‘zines. More importantly, she is named after an ancient ninja weapon, which appeals to a strange place in the male libido where women are deadly and we answer to them. We suggest you bow down to Kitana now just in case.

Tanya Ballinger

Once well-known as a leading "great taste" lobbyist, Ms. Ballinger originally hails from Chico, CA and has appeared in a few other entertainment venues since her famous tussle with Ms. Baker. She was even on WWE wrestling (there’s a surprising amount of leggy, kickass blondes on that program, if you’re unfamiliar with its programming slate). After several years of dogged great taste research and political rallying, Tonya seems to have become more gustatorily moderate and recognizes that great tasting and less filling beverages can combine peacefully. "They can exist, together, in one bottle for all to enjoy," she was never quoted as saying.

Ali Landry

After Ali Landry appeared in a Super Bowl ad, no one saw or ate Dorito’s chips the same way ever again. They immediately tasted and looked better in every single facet of description. Splits-related injuries skyrocketed, unfortunately, but eventually normalized after the initial furor of interest caused by Ali’s suggestive eating methods. She was a beauty pageant veteran at an early age, and briefly dated Slater from Saved by the Bell. Good thing she dumped him; don’t trust anyone who once sported a jeri-curled mullet. That just represents a whole mess of bad decisions that you don’t want replicated in your romantic life.

Candice Michelle

Candice fits well into this list as a one-time Go Daddy.com girl, but she’s really more well-known for her championship turns as a buxom and brutal WWE Diva, amongst hot wrestling kin such as Maria Kinella, Carmella Cesare, Christy Hemme, etc. She’s often referred to by her nickname Candy, and her finishing move is quaintly titled "the candy wrapper." I have never witnessed this move personally, but if it doesn’t involve some entanglement of Ms. Michelle’s gorgeous long legs, then I call shenanigans on the entire WWE. And I don’t want to affront the dignity of the WWE, so I’ll just assume that she does wrap her opponents up like a warm, tasty pretzel.

Heidi Klum

All bow before THE KLUM. Heidi has been one of the most recognizable supermodels of the last decade, worked on supremely well-crafted and engaging, fashion-based reality shows (that I’ve never watched, I swear), and topped it all off by starring in a recent Guitar Hero commercial. A bunch of famous athletes like Kobe-Something, and uh, that one swimmer who smokes drugs…I can’t recall his name right now…they all starred in a super high-profile ad for the same game, while Heidi starred in one by herself. Ergo, one gorgeous German woman is greater than or equal to all of our greatest American athletes. Don’t get two riled up, Call of Duty veterans, she uses her prowess only for good.

We decided to keep this commercial cuties countdown a little short so that we could create more installments in the future that celebrate the tightest television bodies. Leave a comment or two below about your recommendations for future featured babes.

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