Act Like Ya Been There, Kid
While it’s true that your teacher wouldn’t be looking for paramours on the other side of the lecturn if she was into a more mature man, you also don’t want to come off as sophomoric.   You should act like you’ve at least kissed a girl, maybe copped a feel, maybe had a couple threesomes. She doesn’t want to have sex with a kid. She wants to have sex with a capable young buck that makes her haggard husband like a big pile of wet leather.

When other kids are playing grab ass and yelling, don’t. When she talks, listen. Be literally too cool for school. But, you know, be too cool for school while in class.

Study Hard
She’s teaching social studies because she knows a lot about it and/or she’s got a passion for it. You know how hot it is when a girl knows about how hilarious the movie “Top Secret” is? Think about that for just a second. Super hot, right? Well that same principle works the other way, too. You need to be able to talk to her, and to do that, you’ll probably need to know about what the subject matter she spends 50% of her waking hours dealing with.

At the very least, you’d better get A’s in her class, but there are a few things you can do on top of that. Go to as many office hours as you can, but use them to set up private office hours. Or, outright lie from the beginning and tell her that none of her scheduled office hours work. Offer to meet her wherever she wants because, you know, you’ve got an inalienable hankering to learn about physical chemistry (ba da cha!). This has the dual purpose of boning up on the subject and getting some one-on-one face time with her which incrementally moves you into a more personal orbs.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby
Don’t talk about having sex with her, but do talk about sexual things with her. This shows her that 1. you’re a sexual person, 2. you’re heterosexual, and 3. you are comfortable around her. It’s kind of like meta-flirting. You’re not telling her specifically that you want to spank her with a ruler, but you’re telling her that ruler spanking is certainly a page in your playbook, should the opportunity arise.

This is delicate territory, so see how she reacts. It’s a thin ice situation, and if you tread out too far, the ice breaks and there is no recovery. Plus, cold water makes it look like you’ve got a tiny package.  “So, what do you think about anal,” is a step (or 9) too far. But, telling a story about getting caught fooling around with an old girlfriend can easily be disguised as an embarrassing anecdote rather than an x-rated preview of your budding bang-buddy relationship.

Make Contact
This is pretty much like normal dating, but it may take a little time because, you know, it’s frowned upon in academia to screw students. But, as you spend more and more time with your professor, you’re going to want to initiate or elicit some form of physical contact, and then, escalate it.

Obvious starts include a hand on her shoulder as you lean over to read a section of text together, or a hand on her waist as you lead her through a door you’ve opened for her. A hug goodbye is probably okay after a few weeks. Going beyond that, though, requires you to be in a non-academic setting.

One way to do this (that works) is to invite her out with some other favorite students in your class for dinner/drinks. Sit next to her, and during a particularly funny or entertaining story, bend over laughing and catch yourself by placing a hand, for an instant, on her thigh. The message will be loud, clear, and hey…you just touched her thigh. Awesome.

Close The Deal
So once you’ve got her talking about sex alone, you’re almost home. You just have to make that final leap of faith from the chalk board to bent-and-sweating-over-the-desk. They’re literally and figuratively pretty close to one another, though, so buck up!

If she’s talking about sex with you in private, she’s certainly comfortable enough with you on a social level to get it on big time. So, the final barrier of entry (pun intended) is her professional life. At this point, you need to do something to assure her that you are a man of discretion that would never kiss and tell. There are a variety of ways to do this, so cater your approach to your foxy teacher’s personality.

The cliché move is to say “I have a friend who has a crush on his professor, what should he do?” If your teacher is particularly dense (Comm Major), this might work, but 80% the time you’re asking to be thrown out or shut down.

One way is subtly broach a sexual topic (you’ve done it before), but steer the conversation toward your ultimately saying, “But that’s really none of my/your business, I suppose.”

Another is to couch your affection in common terms. Say, “I really should get going, but I don’t want to.” If she’s not into you, you can always say that you’re dreading your next destination rather than loving being with her.

When you do sleep with her, for goodness sake DO be discreet. You don’t want to get expelled, you don’t want to get her fired, and you certainly don’t want to stop sleeping with her. Will you get better grades? Probably. Will you get to have tons of kinky sex with an authority figure and will you get to imagine every lecture from that point on as being topless? Definitely.

A good rule of thumb is to not say anything to anybody until your academic relationship is severed – i.e. you know you’ll never have a class with her again. The safest way to do that is to wait until you graduate or one of you switches institutions, but failing that, at least wait until the end of the semester to hoist your mighty flag of victory.

Photos of Danielle Lloyd courtesy of Nuts UK