There’s nothing more attractive than a jaw-droppingly gorgeous woman. The only thing that comes close is a jaw-droppingly attractive woman who’s responsible enough to tend to another human life. This is the foundation of the MILF phenomenon, and (as always) Hollywood has done a spanking good job at perpetuating it. Here are Chickipedia’s Favorite Hollywood MILF’s:
This beauty has come a long way since prancing around with Britney and Xtina on the Mickey Mouse Club. A relative stranger to controversy (save causing a ruckus with adoring fans and studio execs alike by cutting her stunning hair between the first and second seasons Felicity), Keri is one of the rare Hollywood moms who seems to have her life in order. She’s young, undeniably attractive, and has turned her skills at motherhood in 2007 into some highly underrated film projects. That year, Keri starred in both Waitress and August Rush, playing her trademark soft-faced, down-on-her-luck, gee-shucks-I-hope-she-wins mom. K-Russ fans rejoice: if you’ve ever wanted to picture her lassoing you to a chair and making you tell the truth, check her out this year voicing Diana in DC’s straight-to-DVD animated Wonder Woman.
This Hollywood MILF is too many fantasies come true for most men to understand. Like all babes worth their title, she’s drool-worthy in a bikini, but did you know she refused to get married to her baby-daddy …on principle? Or that her father was road manager for Pink Floyd? Her brutally erotic masturbation scene in David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive was the only understandable part of that movie, and combined with her ability to play a career seductress in I Heart Huckabees and We Don’t Live Here Anymore (where she made Laura Dern look like she was still in Jurassic Park III and playing a pterodactyl), Naomi is unquestionably one of the most scintillating women on the big screen.
Every list of hot girls on the planet eventually gets to Katie, the TV-turned-movie-turned-Scientology starlet who gave birth to Suri (Tom Cruises’ smiling alien spawn) in 2006. After breakthrough performances in Dawson’s Creek (with co-hottie Michelle Williams), and The Gift (with elven-hottie Cate Blanchette), Katie was thrust into our collective memory as Christian Bale’s morally-upstanding beaux Rachel Dawes in Batman Begins. She was later snubbed in the sequel by Maggie Gyllenhall and her character was killed off. Despite what the gossip rags say, we still think Katie is one of the hottest babes on the planet, even (and maybe especially) if she is half-alien.
If ever there’s been a reason that you got to second base after a movie date, it’s Reese Witherspoon. From peppy teen virgin (Cruel Intentions) to peppy teen home-wrecker (Election), peppy consumerist (Legally Blonde) to peppy divorcee’ (Walk the Line), Witherspoon’s perfectly symmetrical, non-threatening-to-your-girlfriend face has been ensuring American men shell out popcorn money since the early 90’s. There’s probably never been a more stable starlet-turned-mommy, either; the nine-figure grossing mother of two reportedly takes her kids to church every Sunday, and cooks every meal for her family. Her likeness is apparently so calming that she was asked to be the first host on Saturday Night Live after 9/11. The best part of a very Witherspoony date night? Turning the lights off later and reaping the benefits of your lady pretending you’re Jake Gyllenhaal.
Like fellow Hollywood M.I.L.F.-lister Keri Russell, "Xtina," began her notable career enticing teenagers as a performer on the Mickey Mouse Club. Beyond that (and the fact that you have neither of their numbers), the similarities end. Christina’s recurring use of controversial empowerment-via-sexuality themes in her music videos and solo albums (like Stripped, featuring the most played music video of all time, "Dirrty,") ensured that the mousy Mouseketeer crashed the house that Britney built, and thankfully introduced the thong-and-chaps look to the mainstream (you’re welcome, Jessica Alba). Xtina’s potent hotness led her to be popular enough that in 2008, People Magazine paid $1.5 million for baby photos of her new son, Max. The saucy mom was quoted as saying, "I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing clothes that covered my entire body." She then set a new record for having every man on the planet agree with her at once.
Heidi’s in the top handful (at worst) of every list of attractive women on the planet. If there’s a fashion or beauty magazine that’s been around since she was born, she’s been on the cover. Heidi is a supermodel so ludicrously attractive that, in 1999, Germany named a species of rose after her. A mother of three, Heidi is currently married to musician Seal (who was kissed by a rose, if you recall). While she’s not on the runway, Klum (as in "boom-boom") enjoys millions of dollars in endorsements from, of all companies, McDonald’s — because remember: McNuggets will make you prettier.