Triceps make the arms, not biceps. Just ask Michelle Obama.  That’s why she does her strictly-regimented exercises. It’s also why chicks always grab the back of your arm when feeling to see if you have anything under that shirt to make up for your premature baldness. Now, you are likely excited because getting monster tris without going to the gym triggered the thought of you not having to do anything but sit on your ass. Then you will wake up during Kimmel to find you have sprouted huge tris. This, sadly, is not the case. You do have to put in the work, but you don’t have to wrap yourself in latex to protect yourself from all the gym sweat waiting to assist you on your way to a staph infection. These tricep exercises can be done in the privacy of your own home once a week and will only take you about 20 minutes. You’ll be able to do an entire tricep workout in less time it takes chicks to dry their hair.

With all of the following, plow through with little rest in between sets and make sure to pay attention to form. Apparently that’s important.

Mule Kicks

These are called many things (kick-backs, tri-bends), but we like mule kicks because it sounds badass. You can go the cheap-o route for your weights, like jugs of water or your girlfriend’s purse, or just buy dumbbells. Depending on your fitness level, start small with maybe ten pound dumbbells. Once you’re ready you can increase from there — or add more jugs of water. For those concerned about saving their joints, use a bungee or workout band and stand on it to give you the amount of resistance desired.

The way this exercise works is by bending over at the waist until your chest is parallel to the floor. Grip your weight or bungee handles — one in each hand, or you can do one at a time — and lock your elbows at your sides, but let the weights dangle towards the floor. Then “kick” the weighs behind you until your arm is fully extended. That’s one, you body builder. Do 10-15 for a set and do three sets of these with only a quick rest in between.

Push Downs
Use the bungee for this and something revalutionary. It’s called a door. Loop the bungee over the top of a door and grab a handle in each hand. Depending on the strength of your rubber rope, you may have to kneel for this one. It’s pretty basic: you push down until your arms are at your sides, then repeat. Do 10-15 for three sets.

Skull Crushers
This one is done with weights and depending on how strong you are, be careful with how heavy the weight is in case you don’t want to crush your money maker. You will also need a floor for this one, so get one of those (we think Home Depot has them). Get on your back and extend your arms until they are pointing to the sky. With weights in hand, lower them to your face while only bending at the elbows. Then push skyward again. After the first set, you’ll understand why they call them skull crushers. Do two sets of ten with slightly heavier weight than from the previous exercises.

Two chairs will work for this, or even the back of your toilet and the sink (hey, you have to get inventive). Let’s assume you have two chairs. Hold yourself suspended between the two of them using your arms. Bend your legs so they are tucked behind you unless the chairs you are using are lifeguard perches. Then bend at the elbows to lower youself down between the chairs. Make like limbo and go as low as you can go before pushing your self back up again. Do three sets of 10-12, less if you add weight by tying a jug of milk around your junk or something.

Overhead Extensions

These are done with a weaight in each hand, or with the bungee. If you are using the joint-saving bungee, do the sets kneeling and keep the bungee locked in place with your knees. Your arms are raised over your head and your forearms will be parallel to the floor and behind your head. Then push the weights up until your arms are fully extended above your head like you just scored a touchdown. Then repeat for 10-15 reps and do three sets of these. Feel the burn yet?