4. Use the Soft Sell
“Oh, dear, this is so much more fun than dying of lung cancer in 20 years.”
The soft sell is an essential part of your closing game. She should know that you want her to “come over for a drink,” but she shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. Women are often up for more than they appear to be, but you need to create perfect mix of comfort and attraction for them to lower their defenses.
For example, if you’re say something racy and she says, “Just so you know, I don’t hook up on the first date,” come back with, “Neither do I, so no worries.” Both these statements are most likely lies, but taking the idea of sex (which may be making her uneasy) off the table leaves you looking cool and not desperate while also letting her relax a bit. It can be a tricky balance, but it’ll make the path much smoother later in the night.
Note: Another thing that smoothens the path is proper logistics. Arrange a date that’s near your place. That way, you can ask her to come over for a drink after you’ve spent a couple hours together. If she accepts, you’re money. If she declines, respect it. It doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t like you, it just means she’s not ready to hook up with you just yet.
5. Always Be Closing
Is it us, or do they have almost the exact same haircut?
While the soft sell establishes comfort, you also need attraction, and one of the best training videos for how to close any deal is the below clip from Glengarry Glen Ross. In this iconic scene, Alec Baldwin tells salesmen how to sell: Attention Interest Decision Action. Get her attention by whatever reasonable means necessary. Build her interest with your charming personality and epic wit. Persuade her to make a decision to keep hanging with you. Prompt her to take the action of coming to your place. It’s not just a useful tip, it’s a way of life.
Another tip from the same scene is ABC. Always Be Closing. This means that you’re always in a “seal the deal” mode, escalating the interaction physically and emotionally. Physically, you’ll always want to be “punctuating the conversation you’re having with touch.” Touch her shoulder, arm, lower back, etc., but not for too long and make sure it’s in a natural way. This is key to sexual comfort. Think about it: you can’t have sex with someone without touching them.
Emotionally, you want to really be engaging with her, not just chatting. Allow her to talk about things that excite her and ignite her passion. When she’s on a roll, share her enthusiasm. (If you can’t, then you’re with the wrong girl.) From there it’s an easy transition to making plans to do something you’re both interested in. What it comes down to is, closing takes place all the time, not just after the bar rings the last-call bell. Keep that in mind, and you’ll find things go your way a lot more often.
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.
