If there is one thing politician’s know how to do, it’s how to get involved in a scandal. Another thing they are quite good at is how to marry hot chicks. Many of the dudes in the political world attract some of the hottest chicks around despite themselves looking like some alien form of mackerel. Why is this important? Because these unlikely pairings often spawn offspring — namely daughters that are pretty hot. A prime example is Ayla Brown, hot daughter of Senator-elect Scott Brown, who won the Senate seat in Massachusetts recently. Which we’re told was kind of important. She is out of many a guy’s reach, as are other Senator’s daughters. It’d be pretty cool to say you were dating a Senator’s daughter, right? Well, we’re here to offer some advice on how to go about accomplishing just that very thing.
Note: There are less members in the Senate than there are in the House of Representatives. So if you want more girls to choose from, head over there and apply pretty much the same rules.
Know Her Views First and Sign Up
Ayla Brown can be a testament to this. She recently admitted to voting Democrat even though she was raised as a Republican and her dad is now the new face of the GOP. Since the daughter is the one you want to get with, it’s probably better to agree with her views than that of her father’s. Your own personal views really don’t matter anyway, do they? And we know what you’re thinking: Arnold Schwarzenegger did it when he married a woman from a Democrat dynasty, while he was very outspoken for the other side. True, he did. But you aren’t Arnie. No matter how hard you’ve been working on those bi-ceps and practicing that insanely awful accent, you will never be him.
Educating yourself on her personal views allows you to be the best political chameleon you can be. It’s not about caving in to her or groveling, it’s about dating a hot chick who has friends in high places. You will never pay for a speeding ticket while with her and could probably get a misdemeanor or two sweep under the rug. That’s worth it to just have to pretend you swing to the right — or to the left.
Show Some Ambition and Interest
The daughters of Senators have been around power, money, and ambition their entire lives, so they likely won’t be thrilled about your night job at KFC that you ride your brother’s ten-speed bike back and forth to. Outwardly showing ambition will be the first indicator that you might at least care about going somewhere in this world. It may not be politics you’re after, but she will see you as someone she is familiar with. Have plans that you talk about doing, whether it’s starting up the next big Dot Com, traveling the world, or trying out for the Washington Wizards. She needs to know she isn’t with a loser or you won’t turn into one on down the road.
Her parents have been around the most ambitious of men for years and will be meeting you face-to-face, so you have to show a little giddy-up for them, too, if you plan on things going smoothly with the daughter. Showing interest in what her father does will show enough respect for her family to make you charming, while too much interest can make you look like a potential Lee Harvey Oswald. Try telling her Pops that you are interested in how he got into the D.C. game and you can sit back and listen to him drone on and on. And you will be seen to him as a guy that’s going places.
Prepare for Exposure and Being Second Fiddle
All kinds of exposure comes with dating a Senator’s daughter. Like, say if you were dating Meghan McCain, daughter of former Presidential candidate and Senator from Arizona, John McCain. Perhaps you might find yourself in pictures on Twitter. Of course, you may not care at that point because she is smoking hot. You will be exposed to the prying eyes of cameras everywhere, but you will have no choice but to play the dutiful boyfriend. No one in politics — or the nation for that matter — wants to see the boyfriend in tow waving wildly and shaking hands as he follows the family through a sea of flashing cameras. Your new chick will be required to go to many of her father’s fund raisers and dinners, so you will also have to tag along. And when daddy is making a speech where his family has to stand on stage in support, guess who will be right there beside them? You. Not a bad gig if you can get it. Just need to be prepared for the ride and to not order the spaghetti with extra sauce before you’re due on stage — unless you brought a change of clothes.
Key things to remember is never, ever pick your nose again. Never pick your teeth with a fork while at a rally for the President because you may find yourself on the Jumbotron looking smooth. Just stay composed whenever you are out of your own home, and you’ll be fine.
Don’t Be an A-Hole and No Kiss and Tell
Whether it would be on the record or not, never talk about your conquests with her to anyone else. You will be in the headlines and the butt of late night jokes quicker than you can say ‘restraining order’. Of course, if you happen to be dating one of Sen. John Kerry’s daughters (nsfw). She’ll tell them herself. Because a picture paints a thousand words. Talking about the dirty stuff on a public stage (Levi Johnston ring a bell?) or just to your friends are both no-no’s and will turn you into an instant A-Hole among her family and friends. And there are many reasons for dialing back your jerk tendencies. One, your actions will soon be known by everyone in the nation. A second, and perhaps most important reason, is you could be killed. Her father is in the position of power that can go to a man’s head and he might start having some thoughts. About you. Like when his last twelve bills have been shot down and he’s drinking every morning just to get out of bed, you may not want to piss him off by making him think his daughter has hooked up with a modern day Ike Turner with a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth. Men like him can make you disappear — or at least black ball you for several years to come. You don’t think he can do it? Try him.
Sidestep a Scandal
People in this grand land are always dying for another scandal to come out of our capital and tabloids now even go after D.C.’s kids. Sex tape rumors and drunk driving arrests are just a few of the things that pop up. These incidents don’t always destroy a Senator’s career (ahem, Ted Kennedy), but you don’t want to be the first one to do it, do you? Even if the daughter you are dating is on the wild side — which several of those politic kids are — she’ll be all daddy’s little girl the morning after you wrap your car around a tree and stumble out of it wearing a diaper on your head. She’ll go to the family’s vacation home to work on her demons and you will be going to the big House of Horrors to share a cell with Bubba. Unless you are dating John Edwards’ daughter, then he’ll thank you for taking some pressure off of him.
Be cautious, because it won’t always be a scandal involving her that you need to worry about. When you’re out with your boys and word gets around in the bar you are hooking up with Senator So-n-So’s hot daughter, dudes will want details and some will try baiting you into a fight. Other chicks will want pictures with you, which will definitely be up on FaceBook within the hour.
Being with a Senator’s daughter can be hard work, but if you’re down for it, some of them are worth it. Just walk on egg shells, Boys.