First of all, you shouldn’t hook up with anyone at the office anyway. If you did, prepare for damage control. It was fun while it lasted, but it should only last one night. You don’t want an office holiday party hookup to carry over; most importantly, you don’t want her to try to transform a one night romp into a relationship. You have to kill that noise as fast as humanly possible. Before she even thinks of mouthing the phrase “when can I see you again”, nip it in the bud with these post-holiday party hookup guidelines.
Immediately, as in as soon as alcoholic induced ecstasy is reached, you’d better lay down the law. Don’t even bother to get up and rinse off. Tell her as firm as possible that nothing, absolutely nothing will come from what just happened. Don’t exchange numbers with her. Don’t give her your social media contact. Nothing. Use the alcohol as an excuse for what went down. Use the ole “we work together” excuse. Tell her anything she needs to hear to keep from damaging her ego… at all costs. One false move and your business will be plastered on the communal bulletin board in the lunch room. Whatever it takes to imprint on her impressionable intoxicated mind that nothing else will happen, do it.
In the office.
Oh, you didn’t think your work was done did you? Well it isn’t, unless of course she starts avoiding you like the plague. Meaning she read this article before you did. Or maybe you’re not the stud you think you are. Well anyway, you want to catch her as early as possible the following work day. Chances are she’s already told her best girlfriends what went down with you two. You have to contain the spreading fire. In an office setting, gossip spreads like an aggressive strain of Ebola. Get her early and stress the importance of keeping everything on the hush hush. And do the same with her big mouth girlfriends.
Here’s the part where you avoid her like the plague. Don’t talk to her. Don’t even look at her if you can avoid it. In a best case scenario, you can get a clerk to use as an in between for any necessary communication. Interoffice envelopes will be your best friends. You have to be diligent. Your work rep and your job may be at risk if you don’t cork this thing right away.
Deny, Deny, Deny.
Hey, politicians do it all the time. It seems to work for them. Curious folks will undoubtedly ask you about your hook up, especially if she’s running her mouth. Get your Bill Clinton on and say “No, No, No”. No matter what they ask, say no. Get your dorky friend in the I.T. department to be your alibi. Do something, anything to throw the hounds off your scent. In time your little office scandal will die down. This will make room for someone else to make a jack ass of himself and give them something new to talk about.